Anitra's Dance
by lifewillout-always
Summary: Omelia ballet AU (similar but different to my MerDer ballet AU): Amelia is a new corps member in the New York City Ballet, where she meets Owen Hunt, a senior Principal dancer, and slowly finds herself falling for him. As the two get to know each other and form a connection, can they keep it a secret? What happens within the company? Can they be together?
1. Anitra's Dance

Seventeen year old Amelia Shepherd was a lot of things, but late wasn't one of those. That was why, of course, she stood outside the studios for School of American Ballet, smoking a cigarette on a rainy, early May morning. Her graduation from the prestigious ballet school was coming soon, contracts would be coming out, and she was hoping for one to the company, New York City Ballet, or any of the million other companies in America and around the world she had auditioned for. Sighing, she squinted up at the sky before dropping her cigarette on the sidewalk and stubbing it out with her scuffed up sandal. Her overflowing dance bag hung over her shoulder and she sighed, turning and heading inside the big building in Lincoln Center. She knew she should be more grateful that she had the opportunity to dance at SAB, but she never knew it would turn into such an obsession like it had. Her older brother and sisters had advanced to actual careers – they were doctors, some were even surgeons, but no, Amelia had to be a ballerina. In fact, she had started insisting upon it after she had won her first Youth American Grand Prix at the age of 10, the same year she had been allowed to buy her first pair of pointe shoes. That was the day ballet had become more than just a hobby; it had become her entire life.

Heading into the dressing room, she checked the time on her iphone and was glad her hair was already pulled back into a neat bun. She quickly changed into old, worn out pink tights and the uniform black leotard required for technique classes, checking to make sure she had the required white for pointe and variations, before heading into the studio and tossing her bag into the corner. She grabbed a bottle of water and took her place at the barre, studying herself in the mirror. Slim body, creamy white skin, raven black hair. Straightening up, she studied herself even more. She could be skinnier, she could do her hair neater. She could improve herself more. She hated that mirror, most of the time.

Darci entered the room and clapped her hands, and the rest of the girls in Advanced Division D ran to their places at the barre as the piano began to play the familiar chords. Amelia held her core tightly as she performed the simple plies that started her mornings. Plie, stretch. Plie, stretch. Grande plie, stretch, cambre forward, cambre back, rise and balance, lower, tendu second, breathe.

* * *

The rest of the day crawled by, and by the end of variations class, she wanted to rip off her pointe shoes. They were at that perfectly broken in stage, and she wanted to keep them that way forever. Sitting down on the floor to take a drink of water, she noticed girls were being called in alphabetical order to talk with Peter Martins, the intimidating director of the school, who also doubled as head of the company. Things swam through her mind as she headed to grab her bag, wanting the bottle of pills in there. She needed something to focus as she found the bottle of Adderall, swallowing two this time, despite the fact she'd had two this morning. If she was going to be talking to Peter, she needed to be sharp and focused.

Finally it was her turn. His secretary, Natasha, stood in the doorway, looking for her.

"Amelia Shepherd, please come," she said, and Amelia silently rose, shouldering her bag, her pointe shoes making the only sound in the room – there we only a handful of girls left in the studio. Her heart thudded loudly and she was sure everyone could hear as she was led to Peter's office, deep within the school. Once she arrived, she politely stood quietly in the doorway, her hands clasped in front of her, before he looked up at her.

"Ah, Miss Shepherd, always lovely to see you. Please, come in and shut the door." She gave him a smile and shut the door, sitting in one of the leather armchairs in front of his desk. She had only been here a few times before, always for good reasons, but she was nervous. She knew why she was here this time, and she felt her heart rate speed up even more.

"As you know, it's almost the end of the school year. You'll be graduating at the beginning of June from school and from SAB. Everyone's been working hard during their years here, and even harder for the end of year showcase, but some of you in Advanced Division D have been working harder than others," he said. Amelia didn't want to perk up with hope as she listened to him, but part of her wondered if the conversation was going where she thought it was. She nodded quietly as he went on, picking up an envelope.

"We know all of you have been auditioning like crazy all over the world and worrying about getting a place in a company but here at NYCB we'd like to extend an offer to you, Miss Shepherd," he told her, handing her the envelope. She was positive he could hear her heart beating out of her chest now, feeling the blood rush to her ears, her hands positively shaking as she took the envelope and opened it up. Inside was a corps de ballet contract listing her benefits, including salary, and a line to sign her name. She was still trembling as she read everything listed on the few pages, her lips pressed together. There were still three weeks to go at SAB and Professional Children's School, and she had a job lined up. Hastily, she reached for a pen and signed her name with a flourish, before handing the papers back to him with a smile, blinking back tears.

"Thank you, Mr. Martins. It's been an honor training here my entire life, and it's an honor to join your company. It's been my dream since I was a child," she spoke, knowing how robotic and forced it sounded, tumbling from her mouth, but that was the Adderall talking. Her mind was trying to focus but it was swimming, swimming with the thought that she was a member of the New York City Ballet, young and 17 years old and in the corps de ballet. Standing up she shouldered her bag with a warm smile, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Thank you so much for this opportunity," she expressed, her blue eyes wide as she turned to leave, walking down the hall in a daze.

* * *

The next three weeks passed in no time. Soon she was walking across the stage at graduation, and the next night she was dancing on stage at Lincoln Center for the last time with the people she had grown up with. Some had also been offered places with the company, but most had been accepted elsewhere, whereas others hadn't been offered a place anywhere. Amelia knew she was one of the lucky few in her class as she got ready for the first piece she was in. Fanfare was crazy and she was one of the leads, but she was looking forward even more to her Sleeping Beauty pas de deux with one of her closest male friends, a guy from England named James. He had been accepted into the Royal and their last performance together was bittersweet.

As they started to dance the rehearsed steps to the music, it was like magic. She had almost always danced with James in her time at SAB; they had been partnered together when they were 13, and luckily had never been separated. As they danced their last pas together, Amelia could feel the magic in the air and she smiled as he lifted her high above his head, bringing her back down for their ending pose. They were the last dance and the crowd went wild, the rest of the dancers from the school coming out to bow with the rest of them….and then it was over.

She was no longer a student being groomed for company life; in a few months she'd be living the company life.

* * *

 **I know, I already have a ballet story, but I really wanted to do one for Omelia since it would be so different! I can include all of her addictions because no ballet dancer would blink an eye, and her relationship with Owen would bring drama :D I hope you guys like this! Time to update other stories now ;)**


	2. Poco Allegro

Amelia had planned on spending the summer at her brother and sister in laws house in the Hamptons, but instead of laying on the beach, she had been invited to spend her summer with NYCB in Saratoga Springs. She was to start learning the ins and outs of the company.

She shared a room with a girl named Rachel, who was also new to the company. She, however, had been an apprentice before joining, which made Amelia's eyes dance, wild with pride. She hadn't had to apprentice; she had been invited right into the company proper. She was accomplished and had been given a contract within her own right; she hadn't had to prove anything except to graduate from SAB.

The summer days were spent learning the companies upcoming repertoire, and Amelia loved it. There were so many ballets lined up for the fall season that she was thrilled to learn any and all of them. The first she learned was Serenade, a Balanchine ballet and a staple in both companies. She had learned a slightly watered down version in school, but learning it with the principal dancers and soloists rushing around her was much more exciting. Rushing around on stage, in and out of the invisible wings of the studio gave her a high, so much more than the Adderall did – although she was still popping two before morning classes, and another two before rehearsals.

Slowly navigating the company was nerve-wracking at first. Rachel helped her, but Amelia sort of did her own thing. One principal male caught her eye, a red head named Owen Hunt, but he had been introduced to her and didn't give her a second glance. He was married to a pretty soloist, a Korean girl named Cristina who had come to NYC from the National Ballet of Canada, a girl who was fierce and strong and had an intimidating personality. They were partnered together but Amelia felt like she was the only person who could see they were all wrong for each other, especially Cristina's best friend, who seemed to adore them together. Her name was Meredith, but she wasn't familiar enough with her – she had come from the Boston Ballet School a few years before Amelia; at 21 she wasn't much older, and neither was Cristina, but they were good.

* * *

When they weren't dancing, they were hanging out with one another, and Amelia used this time to lay by one of the lakes, listening to her favorite composers and work out difficult steps in a piece on one of the many docks in Saratoga Springs. At night the company would dance, and sometimes she was asked to go on stage for someone in the corps, but most of the time she watched from the audience, five years old again as she sat with her sisters, watching these very people transform and dance before her eyes. She was enchanted, now that she was working with these talented people, and she especially watched Cristina. She was a good dance; she was naturally thin and light, dancing like her life depended upon it, like she couldn't breathe without it. Amelia however, had come to have an infatuation with Owen. She loved those summer nights though, and as August drew to a close and she moved back to the city, into a small apartment by herself, she missed the cooler air of the mountains, the open air stage, and the openness of getting to know the company. Now she had two morning ballet classes, one on pointe, a partnering class, a variations class, and rehearsal upon rehearsal.

* * *

One September morning, she walked into the studio to find the company crowded in front of of the casting lists. It was crazy; they were dancing 43 contemporary works including Balanchine ballets, and then there were 3 full length classics. As a corps member, Amelia wasn't in everything, but as she waited her turn to look at the lists, she found she was in so many, her head was spinning. Coming straight from SAB, she knew much of the choreography to begin with, but she had her work cut out for her.

Slipping into the dressing room, she sighed as she pulled her dress over her head, glad in a blue leotard that made her eyes stand out even more and a pair of black stirrup tights, a few holes showing through them. She didn't stand out though; many of the other company members were dressed similarly, right down to the holes in their tights and she smiled as she pulled on worn out canvas ballet flats. A new pair of pointe shoes stuck out of her bag as twisted her hair into a bun, sticking in a few pins and shaking her head back and forth, making sure her bun would stay put during the day. She was ready for class.

Stepping into the studio, she headed over to her place at the barre before she felt a presence next to her. She looked up and noticed Addison, her brother's wife. His private practice were benefactors of City Ballet, and he had met Addison when she was a young corps girl. They had married when they were in their early 20's, and years later they were still married. She was fifteen years older than Amelia, who was only 18, making Addison 33 and a well-known principal dancer. Everyone know Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. She was a legend in the ballet world, and Amelia always watched her. She especially watched her as Addison came over to her, taking her hand and Leading her over to the barre where she always stood, a smile on her face.

"Come on, Amy, you're standing with me now. You'll get noticed by Peter and the rest of the teachers and they'll give you better roles," she smiled, before the pianist sat down at the piano. Amelia's heart fluttered wildly as she put her left hand on the barre and got lost in the music.

* * *

Learning choreography was a piece of cake. She hated being stuck in the corps when she had been so used to being the shining star of SAB, but she knew she would be dancing corps roles for a few years, at least. Addison was great though, and for the first time in her life she found herself bonding with the woman who had been married to her brother since Amelia was 7. Until then, she had just been her sister in law, but Addison guided her through the company, teaching her right from wrong, what she should be doing to get noticed and what would get her sent to the back row in their pieces. As a result, Amelia was always chosen as one of the first-row dancers,

The first role she danced were a few corps roles in The Sleeping Beauty, her first dance being The Garland Dance, or as most people knew it, Once Upon A Dream. The partner she had been placed with at the beginning of the year, Ryan, was immensely talented and Amelia trusted him not to drop or hurt her. She had discovered his affinity for pill popping early on, and now they met every morning to take their Adderall together, smoke a few cigarettes, and stretch by the fountain in Lincoln Center. On stage though, they were beautiful together, especially during Sleeping Beauty when they danced. The pair were perfectly in sync, especially during the Garland Dance, where Amelia not only had to hold up the heavy garland of flowers, but perfectly Pas with Ryan. After a few performances, her name started to appear in reviews, much to her delight. Addison, of endless money from both Montgomery and Shepherd, gifted her a silver bangle bracelet with a pair of ballet slippers engraved on the inside.

* * *

Dancing night after night without stop was exhausting, and Amelia found herself popping more and more Adderall as each day went on but it was still her and Ryan's secret, especially where they got their medication from. Sometimes he took other things, things that Amelia was too scared to touch yet; she was still happy with her Adderall. She had shed five pounds already and her bones were starting to stick out, more like the soloist and principal women. She was working hard too, her body was going into overdrive and she was shedding the pounds like crazy, watching what she ate, studying Addison and all of the soloist and principal women. But to her, she was in control. To her, she wasn't developing a problem.

Sleeping Beauty was like a dream. Dance after dance with Ryan as her partner, she was on a high, even as a corps girl. Many of the girls were getting injured and she was stepping into extra roles, so much so that she was in almost every scene. She relished the thought that she was out there getting notice, her mother in the audience some nights watching her youngest daughter succeed at what she loved, her brother out there watching both his wife and his sister, and for a moment she was almost completely happy, the traumas of her childhood gone for a few nights.

If only it could stay that way forever.

* * *

YES I am making Ryan a part of this story, and YES Addison is married to Derek...but neither of these things will be around for long ;)


	3. Triomphe De Rome

The fall season at NYCB was a great one, and Amelia could feel herself being watched by everyone – the corps, the soloists, the principals, Peter – she was on a high. Dancing night after night got her higher than anything else, which scared her, but the Adderall left her sharp and clear for class and performances. She was on her game every day and night as she nailed every pirouette on her pointe shoes, Ryan catching her delicately but firmly in his arms. She smiled up at him as he dipped her low to the stage, the lights reflecting in his eyes as he brought her up, tossing her up in the air only to catch her on the other side. They had been given a pas de deux in Rubies, and were taking advantage of the fact that they had been given a great opportunity.

The night of their debut in Rubies, they were schmoozing in the lobby, Amelia trying to stay away from Addison and her brother Derek. However, she couldn't help but notice the way Meredith Grey was staring at him…and the way he was staring back at her. She furrowed her brow before she felt a slight tug on her arm, turning to see her mother. She smiled brightly, her long curly hair bouncing off her black silk cocktail dress.

"Mom! It's nice to see you after one of these, finally," she said, throwing her arms around her mom. She was slightly stoned; a post show high after the natural high of dancing, courtesy of Ryan. She spotted him mingling around the hall, two glasses of champagne in his hands. She waved him over to her and he smiled, heading towards her and her mother, handing Amelia a glass of champagne, his eyes slightly glassy.

"Hello Amelia. Is this your mother? You look just like her," he smiled, his arm sliding easily around her waist. She smiled at the familiarity.

"Mom, this is Ryan Kerrigan, my partner in everything," she explained. She wanted to explain that he was so much more – her secret keeper, her best friend, her partner in crime. Most of the time he was her lover, when she felt good about herself and her body. Those were the days, the days when she didn't starve herself to nothing and didn't like the way she looked in a leotard and she kept him out of her apartment, sitting on the bathroom floor and purging up every single calorie until it was a mix of bile and blood in the toilet, and even then she didn't feel good enough. She knew she wasn't the only one, she knew eating disorders ran rampant in companies and ballet schools, but that was it – she refused to admit she had a problem.

* * *

After the fall season, they quickly transitioned into Nutcracker. At the end of October, they had done Sleeping Beauty and a few handfuls of other ballets, sometimes with Amelia earning soloist roles, other times not. She always noticed Meredith and Derek exchanging glances at the after galas, and to her observant eyes it seemed something was going on. He seemed distracted and distant from Addison, but Amelia barely knew the pair together, despite being her brothers favorite, so she didn't want to step in and almost say something.

On the other hand, she and Ryan had made things official and she was his girlfriend; the entire company knew it. They were considered to be the best Pas couple in the corps, as well as the best male and female in the corps, and Amelia didn't let the smirk wipe off her face the moment she heard it. Always competitive as hell, she wasn't going to stop until she was at the top – even if it meant sabotaging a few people to get there. It was that she was evil, no, she was cunningly smart and dedicated to her craft. Not in a crazy Black Swan way, she just knew what she wanted and would stop at nothing.

With dating Ryan came letting Ryan stay over at her Soho walk-up, smoking pot on the fire escape and trading stories of growing up, of training in the world's elite ballet schools, of summer programs in other countries, of old Russian ladies with hard, silver tipped canes that hurt when you got smacked on the bum or the back of your knees. She laughed hard at his stories of growing up in the city in his parents ridiculously expensive townhouse, and she regaled him with similar tales of her and her brother and three sisters, spending summers in the Hamptons and winters in the mountains. She shared with him her spares memories of her father, the way he died, and that night he held her until she fell asleep in his arms.

But more than anything, dating Ryan meant more access to all things illegal. Sure she was already taking Adderall every day, more than she ever had at this point, but with over exerting herself in classes and rehearsals every day, and performances at night, she was in a ridiculous amount of pain. No amount of ice baths could relieve the amount of pain she was in, until one day Ryan popped over with a beautiful form of relief: Oxycodone. With the first 20mg pill, Amelia was floating far above her plush sofa, the sounds of the television swimming above her head, Ryan's voice amplified in her ear. Her pain was magically gone.

"Another," she said, holding out her tongue as he placed another one on it. Close the mouth, swallow, and she drifted farther away until she fell asleep under a pile of blankets, next to her first great love.

* * *

The morning Nutcracker was announced, the hallways of the studio were insane. Amelia was ready for class, her hair neatly pulled back. She had already popped three Adderall and an Oxy, feeling both sharp but blurred around the edges as she and Ryan walked into the studios, where everyone was shoving each other around the bulletin board. He groaned and shook his head.

"It was so crazy when it was announced at the Boston Conservatory, I can't even imagine what it's like here," he laughed, and she laughed. She had been a party guest for years, and in other parts of the ballet, when she had been at SAB; one year she had even been cast as Clara, but this year she was ready for juicy roles. She elbowed her way to the front of the list, glaring at girls who tried to protest and yell at her, and her breath caught in her throat as she took in the glorious list.

Nutcracker Casting

SUGAR PLUM FAIRY Ana Sophia Scheller

CAVALIER Gonzalo Garcia

DEWDROP Addison Montgomery

LEAD FLOWERS Arizona Robbins, Emilie Gerrity

FLOWERS CORPS Alexandra Grey (Demi-soloist), Amelia Shepherd (Demi-soloist), Claire Kretzschmar, Alina Dronova, Leah Murphy, April Kepner (Demi-soloist), Stephanie Edwards, Josephine Wilson, Isobel Stevens (Demi-solosit), Maggie Pierce, Lucy Fields, Reed Adamson, Laine Habony, Heather Brooks

FLOWERS PAS MALE Alexander Karev (Pas w/ Alexandra Grey), Ryan Kerrigan (Pas w/ Amelia Shepherd), Jackson Avery (Pas w/ April Kepner), George O'Malley (Pas W/ Isobel Stevens)

HERR DROESSELMEYER Sean Suozzi

MARZIPAN Meredith Grey

MARZIPAN CORPS Sara Adams, Marika Anderson, Likolani Brown, Emily Kikta

SPANISH Calliope Torres, David Alberda

ARABIAN Cristina Yang, Owen Hunt

CHINESE Antionio Carmena

CANDY CANE Harrison Bell

CANDY CANE CORPS Maggie Pierce, Leah Murphy, Stephanie Edwards, Alexandra Grey

MOTHER GINGER Harrison Coll

POLICHINELLES SAB Students

DOLLS Baily Jones, Amelia Shepherd

SOLDIER DOLL Spartak Hoxha

MOUSE KING Camerona Dieck

MICE SAB Students

SOLDIERS Male Company Members

FRAU & DR STAHLBAUM Richard Webber Catherine Avery

SNOW QUEEN Theadora Altman

SNOW KING Mark Sloan

SNOW CORPS Alexandra Grey, Amelia Shepherd, Claire Kretzschmar, Alina Dronova, Leah Murphy, April Kepner, Stephanie Edwards, Josephine Wilson, Isobel Stevens , Maggie Pierce, Lucy Fields, Reed Adamson, Laine Habony, Heather Brooks

PARTY GUESTS NYCB Company

PARTY CHILDREN SAB Students

CLARA Molly Grey

FRITZ Henry Montgomery

Three roles. THREE. One was a solo, and one was a demi solo! She let out a small shriek before turning to go back to Ryan, her eyes shining. Or perhaps that was just the drugs in her system.

"Oh my god, I'm a doll, Snow corps, and a Waltz Demi! And you're my partner!" she yelled out, everyone's voices still louder than her own as she smiled. He kissed her deeply, holding her close.

"You're a soldier, and a party guest, and my demi pas partner," she smiled, equally pleased for him. She could tell this was going to be a great season.

BREAK

Patsy – THIS IS NOT ADDEK it made me really upset to see your hurtful comment. I have never nor will I ever ship Addek. If I ever have Addek, it is and only ever will be to be used as a plot device to get to MerDer. I know you've been a fan of mine for a year now and I've never steered you wrong but your comment on my last chapter was really hurtful especially when I was expecting positive feedback from someone I adore and trust.

So Amelia's getting into Ryan, and falling into an eating disorder and harder drugs than just Adderall. How long do you think she can keep up the guise of being a perfect Balanchine ballerina? How many seasons do you think she can last? Do you think she can get to the top? Do you think she'll have to take a break for rehab on her way? I still haven't decided! But I promise this is Omelia and Merder, and not Addek ;) But Addison will be happy! I'm thinking Maddison, what do you guys think?


	4. Waltz of the Snowflakes

Nutcracker season was always a trip and a half. The moment class ended, everyone dispersed to start learning their new pieces. Snow started right away, since with all it's intricacies, it had to be perfect. The girls were given their pompoms and Amelia taped her name to hers, making sure she placed them on the floor while they were taught the steps before they were needed. She was one of the first girls onto the stage, starting with a beautiful, leaping grand jete and a double soutenu turn, throwing a fistful of fake snow into the air. This being Balanchines version, on stage there would already be snow falling around the girls as they danced. She smiled as she worked through the steps, feeling her pointe shoes slowly dying on her feet through the next hour, engaging more of her abdominals to hold her up, determined not to be lazy and let her Russian's do the work for her. She twirled, she waltz turned, she leapt, she sprang up and felt like the floor gave way beneath her. She smiled at Peter and showed him that she was more than grateful to be a part of NYCB, that she deserved to be here, albeit a corps member for now. She was going to be more, so much more, than stuck in the corps for the next 5 years.

After their hour of rehearsal, they were given a ten minute break to catch their breath and get water before Waltz rehearsal. She was glad she'd be seeing Ryan and getting to partner with him for the next hour of rehearsal. Taking off her dead pointe shoes, she inspected her toes – on toenail was falling off, so she clenched her teeth together and ripped it off, quickly covering it with a bandaid and some tape, before swathing it in some lambs wool to ease the pain en pointe. Tying on an already broken in but new pair of shoes, she wiped down her body with a towel before heading into studio three. Addison was already there in her stiff rehearsal tutu as Dew Drop, and she gave Amelia a smile as she pulled on a tutu to practice in – a longer romantic one, the type she'd be wearing as a demi-soloist. As the opening strains of Tchaikovskys Waltz of the Flowers blared through the speakers, the corps girls ran on and hit their spots, and then the four demis, their male counterparts behind them, and then the two soloists with their partners, striking a pose resembling a flower blossom on the floor before Addison as Dew Drop struck her beginning pose, her faithful flowers around her. Amelia danced her heart out; Ryan was the perfect partner for her, really. He anticipated her every move, he held her confidently in each lift, he spun her perfectly – 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 pirouettes, letting her find her balance as she smiled into the mirror, bending into a deep penche and ending in a lovely arabesque.

Lincoln clapped to signify the end of rehearsal. Amelia was soaking wet, covered in sweat, stumbling around from the effects of the drugs but she found him standing in front of her, a hand on her shoulder.

"Miss Shepherd, I don't think, in all my years at City Ballet, that I've met a harder working dancer. You seem to give everything into your steps," he told her. She was shocked that such a legend was speaking to her, a lowly corps girl. She curtsied deeply for him with a smile on her face, despite the fact that the room was spinning around her, a combination of the pills and a great need for water. He dismissed her and she walked out of the studio, taking great care at an attempt at walking in a straight line, fetching her water from where she had left it in the dressing room. Her ankle was killing her from twisting it in class earlier that day, so she popped two Oxy with another two Adderall – she still had one more rehearsal that day, with a performance that night of Symphony in C, Dances at a Gathering, and Moves. She was in all three and needed to focus on her dancing, doing the best that she could to continue to stand out.

* * *

Opening night of Nutcracker was December 6th, and she couldn't deny the fact that she was nervous. Her brother and sisters were in the audience with her mother, and as she stood in the wings in her doll costume, swathed in warmups galore, she wanted to peek past the curtain and find them, but she was past that childish phase – she was a professional now, getting paid to do what she loved.

With five minutes to curtain, the backstage lights flashed and Amelia stripped off her warmups. As the doll, she wore a stiff pink tutu with puffed sleeves, beaded and embroidered with beautiful flowers and rhinestones. A flower was in her hair and people kept bumping into her as she waited to take her turn dipping her shoes in the rosin box. Once she was done, she stepped out on stage, taking in a deep breath and smiling. She was in her element. Perching behind her specific box, she got herself into a comfortable position, knowing her first role wasn't at least until 20 minutes into the ballet.

A few minutes into sitting behind her box, the opening strains of the orchestra started playing, and Amelia watched the corps girl, Mimi, skip onto stage as Clara, and Amelia was jealous. She wanted to be Clara so badly, although she was happy in her roles. Finally her part came, where Drosselmeyer activated the dolls at the party, and Amelia sprang up next to the male doll, walking the way a wind-up toy would. Nervously she performed her part, much to the delight of the young children she was performing for, and received polite applause for her dancing, settling into a resting position by the Christmas tree. She stayed on stage until the party scene ended, and in a frenzy she ran backstage to get ready for snow. Her costume was beautiful; a very full, white, romantic tutu, attached to a white leotard embroidered with silver thread, Swarovski crystals, and silver sequins. A crystal tiara was pinned to her hair, and someone – later, she realized, it had been Meredith – dusted her with glitter, and she was ready.

Heading upstairs, she found her pompoms on the props table, setting them in the wings for when she needed them. The battle scene was still going on and Mimi was running around, until she threw her pointe shoe at the Mouse king and fainted, being caught by the Nutcracker. Soon the curtain closed and the stage was quickly cleared as the Snow Pas started, and Amelia watched Teddy and Mark perform the beautiful steps, and in her mind she knew she wanted to do this Pas one day. Once it was over, the Snow King left the stage, and the first strings of Waltz of the Snowflakes started. Amelia soared high across the stage, her tombe, glissade, grand jete landing her right on center stage as she smiled, did a perfect soutenu, and flicked her hands out so her arms were in a wide V, before she pressed her chest out and went off at a run, pointing her toes and extending from every limb, getting in a few more soutenous before hitting her beginning position as the rest of the 14 dances hit their beginning marks.

The intro ended and the music began, and they were a white and silver, sparkling and shining, dancing mass of young girls. They began to break off from the main group, two at a time, and Amelia paid attention to the counts of 8 in the music, knowing the dance from the inside out. When she ran off stage, she grabbed her pompoms, securing them in her hands. When the choir started to sing the did a saute onto the stage, shaking the poms as snow fell down from the rafters, coating her and the 14 other dancers. Some of it fell down her costume, getting in her eyes and mouth, but she danced on, even though at times she felt herself slipping on the flakes. She didn't care. The music intensified and she danced on, her toes killing her, knowing there would be a small pool of blood inside but she didn't care. Her heart was racing and as the music reached the crescendo, she had a small moment to take a breath before she was dancing even harder and faster, running in circles and throwing even more fake snow in the air as they danced and waltzed around Teddy. As the music came to an end, all 14 flakes held death defying balances around Teddy, their queen, as Clara and the Prince got into a sleigh bound for the land of sweets, and suddenly, as Amelia held a beautiful attitude derriere, the heavy velvet curtain fell shut. She felt weightless and beautiful, two things she'd spent 18 years trying to achieve, as the audience went wild.

* * *

During intermission, she changed her makeup entirely. She switched out the cool silvery eyeshadows she had worn for snow, to colors that would make her blue eyes pop. Her dead, bloody pointe shoes from Act 1 were swapped for another nicely broken in pair, and she pulled on her Walt of the Flowers costume. It had a pale pink bodice with a layered skirt; her skirt was three different colors of pink layered one on the other. She shared a dressing room with Stephanie, Maggie, and April, but she felt that soon enough, she'd be leaving them behind. Her ankle was killing her from Snow, so she popped two 20mg Oxy, along with four Adderall. By the time intermission was over and the Introduction to the Land of Sweets was up, she was both hazy and sharp. Ryan had his hand touching her waist while they ran on stage, introducing themselves to the Sugar Plum Fairy, her Cavalier, Clara, and her Prince, before running off to wait for their dance. She watched everyone before them, especially Meredith Grey. She had to admit, the tiny wisp of a blonde was good. Her mother was well-known in the ballet world; she had been a principal at the Boston Ballet, which is where Meredith hailed from, escaping to NYC like most dancers did, ultimately. She was a flawless dancer; everything was perfectly and precisely executed without much thought – she didn't need to think about what she did. She was naturally talented, especially with her mother being another naturally talented ballerina, immensely famous in her own right.

It seemed like no time at all before the orchestra was playing the opening strains of Waltz of the Flowers, and Amelia was bourreing onto the stage, Ryan walking behind her, his arms at her waist. She folded herself into a flower position on the floor with the rest of the corps, waiting for the music to come on. Once it did, she was on her feet, waltz turning after waltz turning, being held high off the stage, leaping, turning, twirling through girl after girl, a smile on her face. At one point there were only her and the four demi's on stage, twirling between each other, their partners lifting them and weaving in and out of each other. She loved it, despite dancing Waltz for years, and by the time she struck her final pose – held 12 feet in the air, supported by one of Ryan's arms and hands, posing with one leg tucked under her, the other in arabesque, her arms rounded and chin lifted. The audience went wild as the curtain closed, and Ryan let her fall into his arms, smothering her with kisses.

* * *

A few weeks into Nutcracker, half the cast was sick or injured. They were all covering for one another, and Amelia knew almost every role. One night, Peter approached her, her heart dancing wildly from adrenaline, nerves, and Adderall.

"Miss Shepherd, do you know the role of Arabian well enough to go on tonight?" Her eyes went wild. That was a soloist role, one that Cristina Yang had.

"I…sir…yes I do," she sputtered out. Behind him came one of the costume women, carrying Cristina's costume, and she ushered Amelia into her dressing room.

"Here, try this on." Amelia stripped out of her leotard down to her tights and tried on the Arabian costume. It bared most of her stomach and rib cage, with the bottoms being harem pants and the top being a crop top, with a small tiara with tulle flowing from it. She looked at herself in the mirror and stared, before she was ushered upstairs to the stage to rehearse with Owen.

She was doing a dance with Owen freaking Hunt.

As she stood in the wings, watching the Candy Canes, she gulped and hugged herself, testing her pointe shoes to keep herself warm. She felt a presence next to her and looked up; it was Owen. He was looking at her and smiling and she smiled back, feeling nervous and terrified.

"Amelia, right? You're one of the newer corps girls? I've seen you dance, you're amazing. It's a pleasure to dance with you tonight," he said to her. Her heart skipped a beat and she felt herself smiling.

"Thank you," she said, feeling her cheeks turning red. She wanted to say something else, to compliment his own dancing, before she felt his hand in hers, an arm around her waist, and suddenly they were on stage for rehearsal.

If she thought partnering with Ryan was a dream, partnering with Owen was like being on another planet. He knew every step she was going to take before she took it, his hand was always there for hers before she reached for him, and as she balanced on one single hand in a needle, her leg in line with her back, reaching straight to the ceiling, she felt like she was safe, like he wasn't going to drop her. He slowly lowered her to the floor and she slid into a split, Owen pulling her up as she draped herself almost in half over his arm. The dance went off without a hitch, and soon they were slowly slinking off stage. Peter's eyes were wide, and he seemed to have no notes for the pair.

That night, she danced her normal roles of doll, Snow, and Waltz, with Arabian added on as well. The crowd went wild after Arabian, and she smiled gently at Owen, her blue eyes twinkling even without the added enhancement of drugs. No, tonight she was on a natural high.

"Really, it was a pleasure to dance with you Owen, even for just one night, she said sincerely, giving him a tight hug before she dashed off to quickly change into her Waltz costume.

* * *

The rest of Nutcracker was like that, filling in small soloist roles some nights, but Amelia never missed a show. New Years Eve was their last show, and that night there was a large company party at one of the nicer hotels in the city. High on their pills, Amelia and Ryan snuck away into one of the bedrooms, having their own celebration, having survived two seasons with the company so far. They only had to survive spring season and then they'd have been with the company a full year.

Quickly getting dressed, finding her clothes in the dim room, the effect of so many drugs and little food floating through her system, Amelia smiled over at Ryan.

"I love you," she smiled, pushing bobbypins back into her updo, zipping up her black silk gown and making sure she still had her jewelry.

"I love you too," he smiled, draping his suit jacket across her shoulders as they returned to the party, watching fireworks across the city as the year turned to 2017.

* * *

 **Okay so this chapter was SUPER long, but it's Nutcracker season and I'm seeing NYCB's Nutcracker next weekend! I'm so excited! This is one of the first years I'm NOT in the Nutcracker but I can get SO descriptive about it, as you can tell :P But Owen and Amelia finally had their first connection! Ahhhh! I have plans for her and Ryan, don't worry, this is 100% an Omelia story! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	5. Cortege De Bacchus

Spring season at NYCB was difficult, to say the least. A Midsummer's Night Dream, Swan Lake, and more were being staged, and Amelia found herself right in the middle of it. The season didn't open until April, but they were in heavy preparation. When she wasn't in the studio, she was at the gym or running miles upon miles in Central Park in the freezing cold, even if it was snowing or sleeting. Taking Adderall, popping Oxy if anything in her body hurt, and pushing herself to the limits was hurting her but she didn't care. The pounds were shedding off and she had to be the best. The best version of herself, the best corps member, the best dancer she could be.

One day she returned to her apartment after a ten mile run through the park, soaking wet from a freezing cold rain and having binged on a ridiculous amount of calories. Her eating disordered brain immediately led her to the toilet where she dropped down to her knees, sticking her fingers as far down her throat as she could, not even registering how cold her already emaciated body was. She had long ago dipped under 100 pounds and turned into a sylph like version of herself. As soon as the food started to come up, she could feel herself calm down. She kept going, making herself vomit more and more until the toilet bowl was red with blood. She sat back against the wall after flushing, in an almost dissociative daze, curling up her knees to her chest.

She had been doing this for months now; it was now February and she was pushing herself even harder. Weighing in at 92 pounds, no one at NYCB found her too thin, despite her hair thinning out, with her bun getting smaller. Her stamina was even more powerful though; she was able to execute more turns, higher leaps, and keep going with the choreography longer than other girls, mainly because she was pushing herself so much. How she managed to keep this a secret from Ryan, she had no idea, since he was over at her apartment almost all the time now. She tended to light candles in the bathroom and run the water while she purged, using all the tricks she had learned at SAB when she was a casual anorexic, casually binging and purging. But being in the company had killed her body image, as the voice in the back of her mind told her that she needed to be slimmer, smaller, more toned.

* * *

It was one such night in March, where an early spring downpour had Amelia and Ryan holed up in her apartment. She sat on her bedroom window sill, dressed in her bra and underwear as he stood in the doorway, watching her.

"Amelia…Mia…you're so thin," he told her, watching her take a drag of her cigarette. She gazed out onto the fire escape, her eyes glassy from Oxy, before turning back to him.

"I have to be," she drawled in her Manhattanite accent, blowing smoke into her bedroom. Her stomach was concave, her bra a size too big, her panties almost falling off of her. Sighing, he walked over to her and knelt down.

"You act like I don't know what you do in the bathroom every day, every night, at the studio and theater before and after performances," he sighed, and she looked down before looking back up, tears in her eyes.

"Don't you understand? I have to look like everyone else. I have to be a Balanchine ballerina or else I'm not worth anything, or else Peter won't promote me or continue to give me soloist roles, or anything," she said, turning away. He slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out a small pouch of white powder.

"Amelia, you can stop. Just do this instead. A line or two before class and you'll be high, a line or two and you'll have the body you want." She stared blankly at him, hardly daring to believe that he was encouraging her in her pursuit of thinness, hardly daring to believe that he was supporting her terrible eating disorders.

"I…um. I don't know what to say. That's stronger than I've ever wanted to go," she admitted. She had her pills, she had her friends Adderall and Oxy, she smoked weed, but was she really going to snort lines of cocaine just to keep her appetite at bay and keep her skinny? Her mouth salivated at the thought. No more cuts and scrapes on the back of her hands, no more disgusting fingernails, no more puking up blood. Sighing, she took the small packet from him.

"I'll try it before class tomorrow," she relented, tucking it into her bra.

* * *

The cocaine hit her just as she was tying her pointe shoes for center work that day. She felt a a warm feeling overcome her and she felt a natural high, different from the pot she usually smoked. There was an intense pleasure and she felt so self confident as she took her spot, dancing even more confidently than she did on the pills. Turn after turn was landed and she felt fearless. They moved to rehearsals and, despite just being in the corps for A Midsummer's Night Dream, she danced her parts to their full potential, becoming a standout dancer.

Once rehearsal was over for the day, Peter pulled her over with a smile.

"Miss Shepherd, you've once again managed to wow me with your technique and level of maturity, I would like to give you the second cast of Hermia on Midsummer's Night. It would be such an honor for you to dance Hermia, I truly believe you'll bring something else to the character." Amelia was floating on the clouds, and stumbled over her words as she tried to thank him.

"Oh, sir, thank you so much, I mean, it's such an honor, I've barely been in the corps for very long," she blurted out, her words tumbling over one another as they struggled to come out. She hoped in the back of her mind that they came out as a girl who was just honored to have been promoted from the corps to a bigger role, and not someone who was drugged out of their mind.

"Don't mention it, I can tell you're going to go far here," he told her with a smile, before dismissing her. She heard someone laughing around the corner and she turned, still in her pointe shoes and damp leotard and she rolled her eyes. It was just Ryan.

"Ryan, not cool," she said as he popped around the corner, still laughing.

"You should've heard yourself, you just kept rambling on and on," he laughed, and she slapped his arm exposed by his shirt.

"Not funny, I'm never doing cocaine again. I'm sticking to Oxy and Adderall," she declared, rising onto pointe only to kick him hard in the shin with the toe of her pointe shoe, giving a satisfied smile as he winced in pain.

"That's what you get for trying to mess with me," she insisted, turning to head to the changing room.

* * *

The season opened with a bang; Amelia was one of the beautiful little swans in Swan Lake, as well as filling more minor roles. Ryan was her partner as always. She loved dancing as Hermia and the reviews kept pouring in, about how she was 18 years old and a first year corps member dancing her way to the top. True to her word, she never touched cocaine again, but one day in late May, as the season drew to a close, Ryan came home with her. Locking the apartment door behind her, he handed her a surprise: more white powder in a bag.

"Ry, love, I don't want to do cocaine again. I said it and I meant it," she told him. Her weight had dropped further; she was 87 pounds soaking wet and bony everywhere, but still a beautiful girl.

"Oh, Mia, that's where you're wrong. It's Oxy, it'll get you higher than popping a few pills," he told her, and her eyes went wide. She was now taking at least 5 pills to get that high, and they never fully took away her pain, especially from that stress fracture she'd received mid-April from landing a jump awkwardly as a swan.

Eagerly, they divided the precious powder up and both of them snorted it up their nostrils, and in a minute or so she could feel the high hit her brain. It was a euphoria she had never felt before, as she floated high above the bed and she looked over at Ryan, smiling. He clung to her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Amelia, I love you." He told her, his smile as wide as it could go. She could barely pick her head up off the pillow but she smiled back, high out of her mind as she looked over at him.

"I love you, Ryan. You're mine forever," she told him, managing to roll on top of him and give him a deep kiss.

* * *

 **So I'm slowly getting to Ryan's death, and next chapter will be the exposure of MerDer to Addison. I also apologize if this chapter was too graphic – I want to be able to include Amelia's addictions, and since an eating disorder is also an addiction, one that runs rampant in the ballet world, I wanted to include that as well. Amelia is just a mess, but I promise things will get better for her when she gets with Owen! Oh and Cristina leaving will also be in the next chapter Basically, EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY (except Ryan, cause he'll be dead per the show).**


	6. Le Temple De Diane

All hell broke loose on closing night. Amelia, having just snorted her nightly, pre-performance dose of 50mg of Oxy and was floating as she bandaged her toes up, heard shouting coming from the stage door. Dressed in a nude leotard and a fresh pair of pink tights rolled up to her calves, her hair slicked back into a perfect bun, threw a warm sweater over her undergarments to see what the commotion was, standing stock still. It was Meredith and Addison, having it out over a bouquet of flowers.

"Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me!?" Addison screamed, hair falling from her perfectly construed bun as she gazed down at the blonde in question. On Meredith's behalf, she was holding her ground.

"We've been together for four years behind your back," she simply said, lifting her chin. It made Addison's blood boil even more. Amelia watched as one of her hands curled into a fist, and she wondered if she was going to punch Meredith, who was dancing Odette/Odile tonight. And there she was, Amelia Shepherd, torn between her sister in law who had been everything but, and her brothers girlfriend, who had been everything to her – kind, understanding, helpful, guiding her through the company life. Screw 12 years of marriage, she liked Meredith more.

"And has he been sending you flowers every night as well?" she spat out, and Meredith just smirked

"Don't you see? He hasn't been happy with you, or in love with you, for years. Neither has his family. His mother never liked you – you're too bossy and extravagant. You're too much. You need to calm it down or risk losing the life you've been leading," she said simply, turning on the heal of her pointe shoe to get ready for Odette. She did turn around one last time though.

"Just ask Amelia. She might be quiet, but shes not stupid." Amelia's eyes widened as everyone looked to her, especially Addison. Her mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out, until she ran her dressing room and locked herself into the bathroom there, hyperventilating as she frantically texted her family. Things were going down that she did not want to be a part of. Stumbling into a stall, she simply bent over and whatever she had eaten and drank that day – mostly water and coffee – spilled into the toilet, and she thanked god she wasn't dressed in her feathered swan costume yet as she sank to the ground, tears in her eyes. Her phone vibrated at her feet and she looked down; it was Derek. He was on his way to the theater. She closed her eyes again and fished some of the Oxy powder out of her costume, lining it up neatly on the toiler paper dispenser and doing three straight lines, snorting them up and feeling the high lift her out of her mortification.

* * *

She emerged from the bathroom, visibly unscarred, but inside she was a wreck. She did her usual routine of makeup, getting into her costume for the first scene, and she went on and danced the full ballet, but she knew she was lagging. By the time she had to do her little swan variation, she felt more in her element, and her focus was sharp while the pain was gone. She danced her heart out to great applause, soaking it all in as she slipped into the ranks as she Pas went on between Addison and Mark – she knew very well that Addison's outrage was unfounded, when she had caught the two of them making out everywhere at NYCB. Watching them out of the corner of her eye, she could tell Addison was more comfortable with Mark than she had ever been with Derek – and to think, Mark was Derek's best friend. Derek had grown up dancing, but had stopped at 16 when he realized he wanted a normal life, and to be a doctor. Mark had continued, and become Addison's partner. All of them had gone to SAB, but the older three were ten years older than Amelia – they were all 28 while she was turning 19 in July.

Heading off the stage at the end of the show, after many curtain calls – this was the last show of the season – she felt someone digging their nails into her arm. Turning, she saw it was Addison and she scowled.

"Get off of me!" she shrieked, her voice high pitched in the lofty wings.

"What do you know, you little brat?" she demanded, and Amelia kicked her hard in the Achilles, knowing it would hurt but not enough to do major damage.

"I know you and Mark have something going on. I don't know how long but I know you've been cheating on my brother just as he's been cheating on you. So really, what's the difference?" Amelia snarled. She was coming off an Oxy high and she was cruel. She also felt the need to purge, even if it was just bile. At this point, it was a reflex. She watched Addison look at her with surprise and she let go, just as Amelia saw Meredith cut the ribbons off her pointe shoes, freeing herself of the dead shoes, which she was just going to sign and sell to aspiring ballerinas in the lobby of the theater

"Hey, Meredith, wait up!" she said, throwing Addison a look of triumph before running after Meredith. To her credit, Meredith stopped and turned around, flouncing out the feathers of her swan costume. She looked at Amelia in surprise and bit her lip, suddenly feeling shy.

"Err, hi. You've never spoken to me before," she said honestly, causing Amelia to blush.

"I didn't…I mean…I didn't want you to know, that I knew, about you and Derek," she admitted as they walked downstairs to the dressing room, pausing in the doorway of the room Meredith shared with Cristina. She was packing up her things; she had received an offer to be a principal dancer with the Paris Opera, and Amelia had to admit, it was good to see her going. She had never warmed to the girl but she knew her and Meredith were best friends. Clearing her throat, she sighed.

"What I mean is, I didn't want to be dragged in the middle of things. Once I knew, once I voiced that I knew, it would be out in the open," she tried to explain, tugging on her tutu and sighing. Meredith nodded slowly, looking down at her own tutu.

"Now I have to avoid Addison, she's going to kill me," she sighed, and Amelia had to give a small smile.

"You don't, she has her own little secret," Amelia confessed with a sly smile. Meredith's eyebrows shot up.

"Really?" she asked her, as Amelia nodded.

"Oh yes she does, and I have her right where I want her. If you really, truly, want to be with my brother, I can make that happen," she smiled. Sure she was conniving, but she knew when Derek was truly in love. In the next moment she felt Meredith hugging her.

"Really? Can you really? Thank you, oh my gosh," she said, their feathered tutu's colliding. Amelia laughed, hugging her back.

"Yeah, of course I can. I'm his favorite sister," she smiled, giggling slightly. Maybe it was sneaky and dirty, but she had to do something. There was cheating on both sides, and if she could see her brother happy, why would she balk at that chance?

* * *

At the closing night gala, Amelia found herself dressing in a rose colored chiffon gown, her hair curled and pinned back, schmoozing with the cities wealthiest donors, a glass of champagne in her hand and Ryan's arm around her waist. She was waiting for Derek to descend upon the room and all hell break loose.

Once she saw him enter the room, and quickly broke away from Ryan and headed over to him, her eyes wide.

"Hey, um so. There was an issue today. Addison discovered that you've been sending Meredith flowers every night," she reported to him, and his eyes flashed, going wide.

"Shit," he said, looking around the room for Addison, spotting her talking with Mark. Amelia followed his gaze with a small smirk on her face, giggling a bit, the bubbles in the alcohol going straight to her head as she grabbed two more flutes for herself off a passing tray, downing them both in a second. On her empty stomach, the alcohol hit her like a truck and in the next second she was leaning in to Derek.

"She's sleeping with Mark," she whispered, before straightening his bow tie, standing back to watch the look on his face. It went from confusion, to hurt, to pain, as he stared at Addison all over Mark, flirting with him and touching his chest. He looked back to his little sister, furrowing his brow.

"How do you know about this?" he asked her, and she gave a small shrug.

"The entire company knows. I made it a priority to sneak around and find out. I also made it a priority to tell Meredith that I would tell you so that her way would be paved for you to be happy together. You're welcome, by the way," she told him, sauntering off to be with Ryan again. She wasn't sure what happened next, but she could hear loud voices belonging to Addison, Derek, and Mark, and she smiled happily to herself as she stared straight into the green eyes of Meredith, who looked more than pleased about what seemed to be going down.

* * *

Every summer the company retreated to Saratoga Springs, in the mountains of New York. They spent June learning new repertoire, and July was spent performing. August was spent off at home, usually, but Amelia was using her time wisely this summer as a full company member.

Addison was conspicuously missing from the company, and Meredith had landed in Amelia's room, per her request. She had lied to Peter, saying she wanted to take the girl under her wing, but Amelia knew so much better. She also knew she had to find better ways at hiding her pill addiction and her eating disorder. She had gained a few pounds, up to 90 pounds, but wearing bikinis by the lake made her a target for stares, her bones protruding where bones should not be showing. So she stayed in her room, watching old videos of the dances they were learning, trying to figure out what Derek was up to. Meredith always returned to room happy, so she figured at least something was going on.

Dancing on the open air stage that July was a dream. They performed Sylvia, one of her favorite ballets – it was simple and beautiful, with simple set pieces and costumes, and gorgeous music. She was in a soloist role, and Meredith had received the coveted role of Sylvia, with Teddy as Diana. She loved watching the older girls dance and couldn't wait until it was her in those main roles, the principal ballerina, laughing in the middle of the company. Despite her newfound friendship with Meredith, and being one of the best corps members, she still felt like an outsider.

She especially felt that way in the mornings as she drank her cup of coffee, at lunch as she had a small plate of salad with a wedge of lemon squeezed on top, and after dinner as she purged until the toilet ran red with blood once again.

* * *

Returning to her apartment for all of August felt weird. She was free of dance, but she took several classes everyday at Steps anyway, and kept up with her running in the park, despite the intense heat and humidity. _More calories to burn offˆ_ she thought as she stepped into the shower, getting dressed in tiny shorts and a tank top, snorting a few lines of Oxy so she didn't have to feel anything, crawling into bed and passing out for endless hours at a time. Ryan was home, spending his time doing whatever over privileged ballet dancers did, and Amelia had all her time to herself, seeing her mother and sisters when she felt like it. Most of the time though, she continued along her self-destructive path, counting down the days until fall season when she would be back in the studios and on stage. She had a pile of pointe shoes to prepare, and when she couldn't sleep at night she sewed, she snapped the shanks until they were ready for her feet, and she practiced those steps that had always evaded her, needing to be absolutely perfect for Peter and Jerome. Despite being a second year corps member, she had to be the best. She had to stand out. She had to have that edge.

The Tuesday after Labor Day, Amelia threw her things into her dance bag and made her way to Lincoln Center, dressed in a new leotard and old tights, a dress thrown over everything. The studios were freshly cleaned and she took a new place at the barre, behind Meredith, opposite of Ryan. She flashed him a smile as they began to warm up, and she noticed Addison was still gone. She hadn't heard a word from Derek all summer, but Meredith was seemingly glowing, and tan as well. She couldn't wait to quiz her before center work. Besides that, there were a handful of scared looking new corps members, and Amelia shot them menacing looks, even though she knew the ones from SAB.

As they progressed to center work, putting on their pointe shoes, Amelia sat down beside Meredith, speaking in a low voice.

"So….Derek hasn't spoken to me all summer. What's going on?" she asked, nudging her let with her toes. Meredith perked up, her smile lighting up her face.

"He and Addison signed divorce papers and we've been dating in the open. He hasn't taken me to meet your mother, though, I think he's waiting until Addison is gone forever." Ameila smiled, tucking her ribbons under the knot and reaching for her other shoe, her toes already taped.

"Good, I'm glad. And don't worry about our mother, she'll adore you," she said, before standing up and rising onto pointe a few times to test their strength. They were a new style but she loved them, and she took a spot front and center, the place Addison usually stood, and she flashed Peter a bold smile. Yes, Amelia Shepherd was going to have her year.

* * *

 **So I didn't get any reviews on the last chapter and I'm worried it was too triggering. If it was, please let me know! I'm writing this fic because the world of ballet is rough and hard on people – I wanted a fic where Amelia can have her addictions full on for awhile before someone interferes, and as it's been pointed out, an eating disorder is an addiction and we don't know whether or not she had one. As a ballerina I personally suffer from an eating disorder and I know what all of this is like so I wanted to write about the world I know about, of pills, and eating disorders, and drowning your life in all of this just to feel worthy, but if people feel it's too much I can pull back. I wanted to write something raw and real and not sugar coated. PLEASE review and let me know! Thank you!**


	7. The Battle

Amelia had turned 19 in July, and had become even more independent and strong-willed than ever. During her time at home in August, her mother had noticed how skinny she had become and had started to fret over her daughter, but when September came and she was back dancing, she was just another eating disordered girl in a world where they ran rampant and no one would do anything about it. Her life was the same – pills, snorting oxy, purging any food that managed to reach her stomach, starve herself again. Her weight fell to 85 but somehow she had the strength to dance every day, and to survive every grueling rehearsal. The two big ballets they were staging in the fall season were Cinderella and Don Quixotie, and even though she was only a second year corps girl, she wanted the role of Kitri. She coveted it. She had won first place at Youth America Grand Prix when she was 11 for her Kitri variation. She practiced it day after day, night after night, knowing that auditions for the role would be based off execution of this exact variation.

It was no surprise, though, when she was cast in soloist roles instead. She wasn't disappointed; she knew getting soloist roles at 19 as a second year corps member was amazing, and Kitri was a principal role, one that went to Meredith – and she had to admit, if it wasn't going to her she was glad it went to Meredith. Cinderella went to a senior principal girl, but Amelia still had so much fun in the roles she was given.

Not being cast in a lead role only spurred her self-hatred. She began purging between classes – fueling up with junk food from the vending machines, locking herself in the bathroom to binge, and then cleanly purging everything until she saw blood and felt emptiness. She ran on coffee and pills – white pills, blue pills, tiny pink pills. White powder and pink powder that irritated her nose but kept her high above everyone else as she executed 32 perfect fouettes, showing Peter and Jerome what Amelia Shepherd was made of. She was hardcore. She was in it to win it.

* * *

It was an entirely different story by the time Nutcracker time came around. It was October, and fall season was over, giving them two months to rehearse for Nutcracker. Her weight was doing better; she had gained ten pounds and looked much stronger, less like she was going to snap in half, although the chilly fall winds whipped by her and froze her to the bone. Ryan kept begging her to try more drugs with him, and she was more reluctant to. So far nothing had affected dancing, but she was on so much medication, and taking more and more Oxy every day. It was driving her insane. She had broken toes, stress fractures, and sprains galore, and nothing was helping her pain. Part of her was considering stealing Derek's prescription pads for something stronger.

Heading into the studio on a rainy October day, everyone was busy chatting around the announcement board, and they fell silent as they saw her approach. She bit her lip and stared at them.

"What?" she asked point blank, before they parted. Oh. It was the Nutcracker casting. Sighing, she unzipped her coat a bit, making sure her bun was still perfect, and marched up to the board, scanning it for her name. She was shocked when she first say Ryan's named next to Nutcracker Prince, and then her name across from Clara. She was New York City Ballet's Clara. Her heart stopped beating for a second, her eyes wide as she spun around, looking for Ryan or even Meredith. She was in shock. For once, she had been singled out and noticed for her talent! She wanted to jump up and down and scream, but she was 19 and a professional. Instead she congratulated her fellow company members on their roles, and headed into the dressing room to get ready for class.

Ryan caught up to her in the studio and she laughed, catching him in a deep kiss.

"Mm so you're my Nutcracker prince," she smiled as he held her close, giggling against his ear. She couldn't stop the smile spreading across her face, feeling like she was on cloud nine.

"And you're my pretty little Clara," he whispered to her, kissing along her jawline as one of the teachers came into the room. Quickly, everyone took their spots at the barres and Amelia stood at attending, beginning her plies.

* * *

Rehearsals started right away, and Amelia was literally in every scene. For the first bit, it was a lot of pantomiming and dancing with herself, as they would be rehearsing with the SAB students later on, but she was always praised for her work ethic and just how far she was willing to go with her steps, extending an arabesque and a balance as far and as long as she could, leaping across the stage. During snow, as she and Ryan danced among the snowflakes, an easy smile spread across the face as they mirrored each other among the dancing flakes, and he carried her high above his head in their mini pas de deux. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world, dancing a highly featured role in one of the most well known companies in the world.

By November they were having rehearsals with the younger kids, and they always crowded around Amelia, wanting to be around a 'real' ballerina, which made her smile. They were adorable and fun to dance with, and amazing dancers for nine and ten years old. Then again, she had been at SAB at their age, she had been party dancers as well. It was a fun scene to rehearse, but really, her favorite was still now, despite being in the dance from another perspective, dancing in a thin silky nightgown and her pointe shoes, dancing with Ryan and being coated with the fake snow she hated so much.

* * *

Nutcracker opened to a packed house, and Amelia was nervous. She was the lead in the entire ballet, besides Sugar Plum, played by the beautiful Arizona Robbins, who she was still in awe of whenever they were on stage together. Meredith was helping her get ready; she was dressed in a gorgeous Victorian costume; a powder blue dress with puffed sleeves, a darker blue sash around her waist that one of the dressers made sure was tied in a huge bow, ending in a wide circle skirt that flared when she turned. Underneath she wore a ruffled petticoat, with her hair down her back, half up half down and curled into ringlets. She let Meredith do her hair as she put on her makeup, calmly putting on a new pair of pointe shoes and then she was ready.

"You look beautiful," Meredith declared. She was dressed for the party as well, as one of the adults, and she was also snow queen and Spanish lead. She and Derek had been dating openly since June, and both girls couldn't be happier. Meredith hugged her from behind as she studied herself in the mirror, smiling at her.

"This is the costume I wore as Clara," she said, and Amelia smiled, hugging her tightly.

"Really?" she asked, breaking into a smile. She was trying to push her invasively drugged and eating disordered thoughts away from her mind.

"Really. Now come on, let's go upstairs, and let you show the world what you're made of." Together they went upstairs and Amelia dipped her shoes in the rosin box, listening to the opening strains of the orchestra until it was her cue. Once she was on stage, she danced her heart out until her quick change into her nightgown, a flimsy silk thing with a blue ribbon at the empire waist, her curls bouncing on her back.

The rest of the ballet went off without a hitch and soon Amelia was taking her bows beside Ryan and Arizona, smiling widely at the crowd where she knew her siblings and mother were sitting, watching their daughter dance. Once the curtain fell she felt arms around her; Ryan. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"You were beautiful all night," he told her kissing her forehead and she smiled wider. She couldn't remember a happier time in her budding career.

* * *

The ballet had a great run, ending on New Years Eve. Amelia however, seemed to deteriorate even more. Her weight dropped to 80 pounds from pill use, and she had started drinking to try and make her demons go away, the ones she had never faced from her childhood that started working their way into her dreams, the ones about her father. She knew Ryan knew about her continuing destructive behavior, and after their closing show on New Years Eve, they were at her apartment, watching the view of Times Square on TV.

"Amelia, I love you. Let me help you," he told her, as she lay listlessly on the couch. Turning towards him she sighed, noting that he was holding a ring out. Her eyes widened

"Ryan, what are you doing?"

"Amelia, I love you so much. I want to be with you forever, I want to marry you, I want to make sure nothing hurts you. Will you marry me?" he asked. She was shocked, before she melted.

"Yes, yes I'll marry you," she told him quietly, as her slipped the ring on her finger. She looked quietly down at it with a small smile.

"I want you to get better. I want us to get better," he said, pulling out a bag of crushed oxy, a needle, a lighter, and a spoon. Her eyes widened. She had never actually injected anything.

"This is the last of it, I want 2017 to be the year we get clean from everything, this is our last hurrah," he said, and she nodded slowly. Everything was in slow motion as she watched him melt the powder into a liquid and draw it up into a syringe. She felt the needle pierce her vein, felt the intense high, and then she didn't remember anything else.

Not until the next morning.

* * *

Waking up on New Years day, there was a streak of light coming in through the window panes that fell across her eyes, waking her up. She groaned, having a headache and she got up to close the blinds before getting back into bed. She looked down at her ring and went to touch Ryan, freezing up when she noticed how cold his body was. She went to feel his pulse. There wasn't one. That was when she became to scream and didn't stop.

She wasn't quite sure when the police were called; it must've been one of her neighbors, but at one point cops and EMT's filled her bedroom while she stood against the wall screaming. She was led out of the bedroom and sat on the couch, wrapped in a blanket as they questioned her, but she kept answering "I don't know". She really didn't know. She watched the EMT's take his body out of her apartment with tears streaming down her face, and at some point her mother and Derek showed up. Great. Like she needed to deal with them seeing her disgraced. The cops and a few EMT's were still milling around the apartment as her mother stepped in and got to her.

"Mia, what happened? Amelia, you're skin and bones, what is going on? Amelia Eliza Shepherd, what is happening here!" she demanded, and Amelia looked up sobbing, standing up.

"Mommy," she sobbed, Carolyns arms going around her as she began to to.

"I fucked up, I am so fucked up," she said, her words twisting together and becoming jumbled before her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell to the floor. Derek lept into action, feeling for a pulse before looking up frantically.

"Mom she doesn't have a pulse!" he cried out, pulling her frail body into his lap and starting to do CPR. It seemed helpless, her wrecked body was filled with chemicals from over years of abusing things, she was malnourished, always throwing up blood. She was a wreck.

It took him three minutes to get her back, and by that time EMT's had gathered to help. Her breathing was still shallow as they got her onto a stretcher and bundled her off to Mt. Sinai.

The next thing she knew she was waking up in a hospital bed, an IV drip in her arm and a feeding tube stuck up her nose and down her throat. She was in pain, serious pain. Her body was bruised everywhere, and she painfully remembered every moment with Ryan. Ryan was dead. Her fiancée, the love of her life, was dead, and she was in the hospital hooked up to a feeding tube. Tears rolled down her cheeks before there was a clatter at the door; it was her mother.

"Mom?" she croaked out, and Carolyn rushed to her.

"Amelia, you gave us all quite a scare," she said, her voice firm but not harsh.

"What happened to me?" she managed to ask, too tired and weak to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"You coded. Hyperkalemia. Low potassium. The doctors say it was from the high amount of purging you've been doing. You were dead for three minutes and Derek brought you back. You're lucky to be alive at all," she told her, and her heart sank. She had died. She had died in her brothers arms and she knew he'd never forgive her. She tugged at the tube in her nose and looked away.

"I have to get out of here for ballet," was all she said, and Carolyn sighed.

"Amelia…"

"Mom I'm an adult. If you want me to gain weight, fine. But I'm not going to rehab or anything. I'll quit doing drugs cold turkey and start seeing a therapist. But I will not go to rehab, I have too much at stake for my career. And none of this is allowed in the press," she demanded, knowing Peter and Jerome would want to cover everything up as well and make sure she was okay.

* * *

She stayed in the hospital a few more days before finally getting fed up with everything. She woke up one morning, fed up with the feeling of the NG tube down her throat and yanked it out, before paging one of the nurses. She hated that she was at Mt. Sinai, knowing that Derek checked up on her all the time despite her case not being surgical.

"Ah yes, Marie? I'd like to sign myself out of this place, I'm somewhat important in my world and I need to be somewhere," she said, raising an eyebrow. The nurse eyed the discarded NG tube without a word, before leaving the room to get the papers. Amelia signed them and changed into clothing her mother had left her, grabbing her coat and leaving the hospital as she headed back to her apartment. She was flooded with memories the moment she stepped inside, and the first thing she did was find a new apartment to rent. In a week she was moved out of the old one, and moved into the new one which was convenient – it was closer to Lincoln Center.

* * *

Coming back to the company was hard. People knew Ryan had died, that he and Amelia had gotten engaged, and they treated her like she was fragile, like she was going to break. Meredith snapped at all of them, telling them to leave Amelia alone, and she was more than grateful for her as they started rehearsals for the spring season. As the harsh weather of January and February gave way to the rains of March, Amelia found herself healing. She was given a new partner – Owen Hunt. In her mind, she was confused as to why she was paired with a principal dancer who had many years of experience on her, but at the end of May and at the end of spring season, when contracts were renewed, to her delight she was promoted to soloist. Peter had come through and recognized her talent. She couldn't help but smile, locking eyes with Owen across the studio. He was still an enigma to her, but she constantly found herself thinking about him, and sometimes she wondered if he thought of her as well.

* * *

 **So much happened in this chapter that needed to happen but finally OMELIA! Or at least, paving the way for Omelia Hope this wasn't too intense (I mean a lot of it was modified from PP so I don't think it's too much.) Anyway, read and review! I love hearing your reactions, especially since this story means a lot to me.**


	8. La Esmerelda

Coming back into the company was hard, but Amelia managed to retain a sense of normalcy. She resumed her place at the barre behind Meredith, and she was now a soloist, but every so often her eyes drifted to where Ryan used to stand, now occupied by a new corps girl. It made her heart ache, and despite her promise to recover from her eating disorder, she was still starving herself and purging in private. Of course, Meredith knew about her habits and was looking out for them, especially since she herself was in recovery and knew what to look for, but Amelia was sneaky. She didn't live with the girl, and could restrict and purge to her hearts content at home.

Owen was a different story. He remembered her as the shy corps girl who did Arabian with him, but was surprised by the older, hardened, 19 year old he was presented with. They had to train together in Pas class to learn the ins and outs with him, and Amelia was pleasantly surprised. Arabian had just been a small preview of what his abilities were. He held Amelia like she was light as a feather – technically she really was – and she felt safe in his hands as he threw her, catching her in a low dip to the ground, and she felt safe and cared for in his capable hands. They worked well together and she left each partnering class smiling, ready for whatever ballets they were thrown into. And they were certainly thrown into ballets.

The first one they were thrown into was Dances at a Gathering. She was Pink Girl, waltzing with Meredith who was Blue girl, partnered with Owen and she loved it. The unfortunate part was whenever she had to speak to him she became flustered and turned red, but she loved dancing with him just the same. That fall they also danced Carmen, Coppelia, and Giselle as their big ballets, with a handful of smaller ones – Apollo, Esmerelda, which Amelia was Esmerelda, a dream role, The Chairman Dances, Fancy Free, Interplay, and the list went on. The more she danced with Owen, the closer the two became, but Amelia didn't open up about her life, or more specifically her life with Ryan. She liked her friendship with Owen, however; he was another friend of Derek from growing up, but she had never had much interaction with him until now. They were still close, however, and her small school-girl crush on him grew as they began to dance exclusively and intimately with each other

It started slowly and innocently; he stood at one of he portable barres in the middle of the room, his muscled chest showing through the requisite white shirt that all the men wore. She stood at the barre opposite him, behind Meredith, the pink leotard she had chosen that day sticking to her bony frame. Every time she turned her head to the side to change it's position in reference to what she was doing with her body, feet, and arms, she caught his eye and sent him a smile. The first few times he didn't catch it, but after the 5th or 6th time he caught on and smiled back. During center, now as a soloist, she was placed in the first group with the principals and she stood in the window made behind him, her small figure dwarfed by his tall one. She did her best to keep her focus but her eyes kept wandering to the tall red head.

After class was over and they were getting ready for rehearsal, specifically for Esmerelda, Meredith caught up to Amelia as she was fetching her tambourine and stiff rehearsal tutu.

"Amelia! You're the least subtle person in the world, you can't take your eyes off of Owen," she laughed, and Amelia blushed deeply as she headed back into the studio, shaking her head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she smirked, as she stepped into the studio. Owen was in the role of Phoebus, Esmereldas love interest, and as they danced she could feel the magic between them begin to happen. She knew he felt it too, in the way he danced with her, always ahead of her with the next move, his hand there for her, lifting her steadily with his muscled arms. She felt safe and secure in each lift, each jump, as she did each pirouette and then he held her high over his head.

Next she did her variation with the tambourine, one she had performed for YAGP when she was younger, but getting to do it as a professional was even more satisfying. She executed the jumps and turns with precise execution, as half the company watched their new soloist dance. She put her heart and soul into her artistry, and it definitely showed each time she did her quadruple pirouettes, the endless hops en pointe that the dance required, and the crazy turns. By the time she was finished she was covered in sweat, in her pose on the floor, ready to be scrutinized.

Peter had other plans.

"Amelia, that was beautiful. There are a few technical things to go over, of course, but that was nearly perfect. I do know, of course, that you've performed it before, but since this is the company we have some things to fine tune." She allowed herself to be lifted up by his hand, looking backward at Owen who was looking at her in awe – looking at her like she was a force to be reckoned with, and a partner he was pleased to be paired with.

* * *

One day after a long rehearsal but hours before a show, Amelia was still attempting to rescue her poor toes when she felt a presence standing over her. She looked up with a small smile to see Owen, dressed for the real world again and her smiled widened.

"Hey," she said, finishing bandaging her toes and standing up, having tossed everything into her dance bag.

"Hey. I was thinking, do you want to go grab coffee before the show tonight? It's Esmeralda and you might need the energy," he said, laughing lightly. She smiled easily and nodded her head.

"Yeah, coffee sounds great. Let me just get dressed and I'll be ready," she smiled, her blue eyes shining as she left the studio and headed for her dressing room. Meredith was already there, getting ready for a late lunch/early dinner with Derek, and she looked up when Amelia came in, looking giddy as she changed into her dress and a pair of ankle boots; the late September air didn't call for tights and coats yet.

"What's gotten you so happy?" she asked her, and Amelia looked up from where she was fixing her makeup, smiling.

"Owen asked me to have coffee with him," she smiled as she pulled her hair out of it's bun and let it fall in waves down her back. Brushing it back, she pushed a headband into it and deemed herself ready, grabbing a messenger bag, tucking her phone into it and stepped back into the hallway, where Owen was waiting.

"Hi," she said with a nervous smile, but he smiled back gently at her as they left Lincoln Center in search of the first coffee shop they could find. Fortunately they didn't have to go far to find one that wasn't Starbucks, and she sat down at a table while he went to fetch their drinks – a skinny vanilla latte for her and a black coffee for him.

"So I wanted to get to know you better, I mean, you are my partner, you're one of the younger soloists," he said, sipping his coffee. To her credit, she hid her smile behind her own cup, her lipstick smearing on the lid.

"Well what do you want to know? I'm kind of an open book on most topics," she admitted. _Things that weren't Ryan and my hospitalization_ she added in her mind. She gave him a smile, letting him know it was okay.

"Well for starters, where are you from? What brought you to City ballet?" Amelia smiled coyly; was he forgetting he was friends with her brother?

"I'm from here, I grew up in Greenwich Village with my brother and three sisters. My dad died when I was five. You know my brother, Derek, he danced with SAB until he was sixteen. Said he wanted a normal life and he went off and became a surgeon," she said with a small shrug, taking a drink of her coffee before continuing.

"My mom had me audition here when I was six like the rest of my siblings, but I was the only one who took to it, really. I just kept rising through the ranks and then suddenly I was auditioning for the actual program and I was a student there. I graduated two years ago and was handed a contract for the corps….I skipped apprenticeship. I was absolutely floored," she said, blushing modestly.

"And what about you? What's your story?" she asked him with a smile. He sat back in his chair, draining the rest of his coffee and grinning at her.

"Well I'm from Seattle, the land of perpetual rain. I started taking classes when I was ten, just for fun you know? I was more into soccer then. But my teacher, she saw potential, so she had me audition for Pacific Northwest." At this Amelia smiled and whistled. Everyone knew PNB was right up there with SAB. He laughed, before continuing.

"I got in and I don't know, I guess I was good. I rose up through the levels, and then I won first place at YAGP and won a scholarship to train at SAB. That's how I met Derek, but he quit at the end of the year. I kept going and then I was invited to join the company and in the next ten years I became a principal," he finished, as Amelia smiled. He was somehow even hotter to her, knowing that dance hadn't been his first option but it had grown on him.

"Did you always know you wanted to dance? I mean, you were put into dance as a child, but when did it become serious for you?" he asked her, and in the next moment a dreamy look came across her face.

"When my mother and I went to dance shop and I was fit into my first pair of pointe shoes. I had tried on so many other shoes at other shoes, but the ladies didn't like them on me, and my feet didn't like them, so I finally tried on the last shoe option they had that were for tiny, narrow feet, and it was like Cinderella. My feet were practically breaking them in already and I was in love. Russian Pointe Saphirs, still my shoe of choice almost 10 years later," she said with a smile and a small laugh. She knew it was silly but she also knew that you could tell a lot about a dancer by which brand and style of shoe they wore. Russians were known for their strength, and Amelia could wear out their hardest shank in one performance. She could sense a smile on his face and smiled back, nervously playing with her hair.

"And you? What made you want to dance?" she asked him, throwing her hair over her shoulders, feeling bold with him. He was ten years her senior but talking to him felt easy, it felt right.

"My little sister dances. She used to make me dance with her, and partner with her, even when she was six, because she wanted to be like the ballerinas she saw on stage. And then I figured I'd try a class, it might help me with soccer, but then I liked it, so I took more, and then like I said, I got into PNB's pre-professional program and ended up here at SAB. I met Cristina here and we got married, but it wasn't really meant to be. We divorced your first year here, we wanted different things." He gave a small, adorable shrug and she melted a bit. God, he was perfect.

"So you have a sister too? Where does she dance?" she asked, and he smiled easily.

"Boston Ballet, somehow she didn't get the memo that NYC is the center of the universe." It was Amelia's turn to laugh.

"I'm from here, I am genetically engineered to hate anything outside of New York," she smirked. He laughed at her and shook her head.

"I think I'm going to love being your Pas partner," he smiled, and for the first time in awhile Amelia felt something positive come out of her life.

* * *

Heading back to the theater together, Amelia stopped at her dressing room door. With her promotion she had been given a new dressing room, that she shared with Meredith and a few other soloists. Owen stopped in front of her and smiled.

"It was a pleasure getting to know you a bit more, I'd love to get to know you even more. Maybe dinner tomorrow night?" he asked her, and she froze up slightly. She didn't eat, or more importantly, she didn't eat out in public where she didn't know the bathroom situation. She'd have to make this work.

"Dinner tomorrow sounds great," she smiled, betraying how she felt inside. Inside she wanted to scream, she could already imagine herself purging up every calorie ingested inbetween courses.

"I'll see you upstairs then," he smiled, as she disappeared into her dressing room to get dressed for Esmarelda. She pulled her dark hair back into a perfect bun, shellacked with gel and harspray, then did her meticulous makeup, making sure it was perfect. Her costume was gorgeous; teal and white on the tutu with a teal jeweled and sequined bodice, with puffs for sleeves. An ornate headdress was pinned onto her head, and she sat on the floor, tying her pointe shoes onto her feet. Once she was ready she stood up, feeling a headrush from the caffeine and no food, but she was fine. Quitting pills had been easy for her; the cravings were the hard part. Meredith looked up from tying her own pointe shoes; she was in the role of Fleur De Lys and she smiled, snapping a candid photo of Amelia without her knowing. She looked breathtaking.

"Someone looks smitten," she remarked, and Amelia blushed, looking at her.

"I'm not..he's not…oh god Mer, I cannot fall for him, he was married to your best friend, he's my brothers friend!" she flushed, doing some rises onto pointe. She could do worse than Owen Hunt, and both girls knew it. Sighing, she heard the 5 minute call to stage, and rushed upstairs, dipping into the rosin box before standing in the wings, waiting for the music to come on.

From the start, the ballet went off without a hitch. Amelia shone as Esmerelda and Owen danced beautifully with her. At the end she was breathless, taking several curtain calls to the loving audience and afterwards, once the curtain fell, he held her in his arms, presenting her with a bouquet of white roses. She smiled up at him, wondering if he could be the very person who could save her from herself.

* * *

The next night, Meredith had slunk over to her apartment from Derek's swanky brownstone to help Amelia get ready for her and Owen's date. It was a Monday and they had off from shows, so Amelia was her pet project. Coming out of the bedroom dressed in a black cocktail dress and heels, her dark hair streaming down her back, she rolled her eyes.

"I don't know why I'm your project Mer you can barely dress yourself and do your own makeup," she teased her. Her makeup was finished already and she was digging through her vast amount of jewelry to find something to go with her dress. Fishing out a silver necklace she loved, along with a pair of earrings and a bracelet, she deemed herself ready to go as she grabbed a soft, black cashmere coat to go over everything along with a small clutch containing her ID and keys. Meredith stayed behind; she didn't feel like going back home just yet.

"You look gorgeous," she smiled, and Amelia nervously smiled back, still wondering how she was going to get through this meal without jumping up from the table every two seconds to purge everything.

"I know," she said confidently, before requesting an Uber and heading downstairs to the street.

* * *

In no time at all she was stepping out of her car at 76th and Broadway at one of her favorite restaurants, Seraphina. She spotted Owen waiting for her outside right away and she smiled as she headed up to him.

"Hey," she smiled, tipping her head back get a good look at him. He definitely looked even better out of tights and costumes, although the tights were an added perk.

"Hello gorgeous, you look amazing," he told her, and she blushed deeply. She felt his hand in hers as he led her into the crowded restaurant, giving the host his name. They were led to a small, quiet table in the back and she smiled as he helped her out of her coat, pulling out her seat for her. A true gentleman, and a real date for a change. She sat down, crossing her legs at the ankles and smiled at him.

"So how did you find Seraphina? It's one of my favorite places," she smiled, nervously playing with one of of her bracelets. He laughed, ducking his head

"You caught me; I asked Derek what you might like because I wanted to impress you," he confessed, and she laughed, a smile easily coming to her lips. She was completely smitten with him and his booming baritone voice. She was about to reply when a waiter came to their table asking them what they wanted to start off with. Without hesitation, Owen ordered a bottle of wine and a few appetizers, and for once Amelia didn't feel old fashioned with him ordering for her; instead she embraced it, especially after there was a glass of deep red wine in front of her.

The conversation was easy and she found herself laughing more and more as they shared stories of their lives outside of the company – like the time she wanted to fly like she saw the Firebird did, leaping across the stage, so she jumped off the roof of the poolhouse of her family's Hampton's beach house, and the time Owen's sister made him dress up in a pink tutu and leotard for a tea party when they were little. It was so easy and effortless with him, but after they finished with appetizers, she couldn't help but to excuse herself for the bathroom, which was fortunately down a set of stairs and private, where she stood over the toilet and shoved a finger down her throat. She didn't even have to try hard anymore, it just happened. Once she was finished she calmly washed her hands and touched up her makeup before returning to the table with a smile, where they talked more and shared more about each other.

But that wasn't her last trip to the bathroom that night, heading there after both dinner and dessert, hating that she was basically lying to Owen through her teeth, putting on a façade of being the perfect dancer with the perfect body who was even perfect enough to eat whatever she wanted.

Leaving the restaurant after dinner, Amelia was tipsy enough to invite him back to her new apartment. She had promised herself she wouldn't, she had told herself she was turning over a new leaf, that after the entire Ryan spectacle she was going to be good girl. The kind of girl who dressed in expensive dresses and shoes, who wore nice tailored coats, the girl that you could bring home on holidays to meet your mother. She felt she had already failed that test during her three trips to the bathroom to purge, and the huge secrets she was already hiding from Owen about her dad, about Ryan, about her eating habits, about the secret miscarriage she had had when Ryan had died. To Owen, although she had revealed so much about herself, she was still an enigma.

But she let herself climb into a cab with him and gave the driver her address in SoHo, leaning against his warm body in the chilly fall air as the city sped by the windows. She had grown up here her entire life but the beauty of the city never ceased to amaze her, especially with the leaves turning all sorts of beautiful colors right now. She smiled as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, and soon they were stopping in front of her building and stepping out onto the sidewalk. Owen took her hand and walked her to the door to the lobby, smiling at her as she smiled back.

"Tonight was…amazing," she said, smiling up at him. To his credit, he smiled back at her, before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. She smiled sweetly up at him and took a deep breath, turning to go inside the building, her fingertips leaving his at the last moment, before she turned around again.

"So, I don't know what you know about me, from the rumor mill at City Ballet. Some of it's true, and some of it's not. But I'd like to think that you take me seriously as a person, and a dancer, despite the fact that you're my brothers friend, because you're my partner and that involves a certain aspect of trust and understanding. My first two years there weren't my best, again with the rumors and he said she said, and I just…you know, forget it, I'm shutting up," she said, blushing furiously as she turned to go inside.

"Amelia wait," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into him, tightly, locking her lips in a deep kiss. She was caught off guard, her eyes open, but after a moment she settled into the kiss with a sigh, both of them locked into a certain passion that the other didn't realize was there until now. After a moment Amelia pulled back with a small, questioning smile.

"Would you like to come upstairs?"

* * *

Amelia woke up the next morning at 6, ready to throw on her running shoes and go crazy in Central Park when she realized she wasn't alone in bed. It wasn't that she had been so drunk she forgot she had invited him upstairs; she was simply surprised he had stayed the night. Settling back down under the blankets of her bed, she bit her lip and closed her eyes again, feeling pleasantly surprised, resetting her alarm for 7:30.

At 7:30, both of their alarms went off and Amelia immediately shut hers off, sitting up in the bed turning to him, smiling awkwardly.

"Morning," she said shyly, brushing her tangled hair away from her flushed face.

"Good morning," he told her, smiling back at her. There were a few awkward moments of silence where she bit her lip, playing with a lock of her hair.

"We don't have to do this," she started, her hair falling into her face as her shoulders shrugged. She liked him in the worst way, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to get involved with another company member, especially one who just got out of a marriage. She felt so much in that moment like the epitome of the wide-eyed teenaged girl she still was before she felt his fingertips on her chin. She tried to shake him off and climb out of bed to sneak off to get dressed but he grabbed her wrist.

"Amelia," he said, and she turned back towards him, biting her lip.

"What? I mean, we don't have to. I'm no one, I'm not important, I'm just another girl in the company," she said quietly, half in bed and half out, her panties peeking out from an oversized City Ballet shirt she'd had for years. He looked up at her and shook his head.

"Do you really think that little of yourself though?" he genuinely asked her. She was caught off her guard and answered too quickly for her own good.

"Yes but you wouldn't understand," was her snappish reply, and as soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. Pulling away, she grabbed a leotard and tights out of her dressed and locked herself in the bathroom, sliding to the floor and closing her eyes. She had issues for sure. Daddy issues, brother issues, Ryan issues. She had issues coming out of her ass and she didn't know how to deal with them, or if she wanted to deal with them, even though there was a perfectly good man in her bed who clearly liked her.

After a half hour she came out of the bathroom, hair in a perfect bun and makeup applied, dressed in a pale pink leotard and paler pink tights. Owen had put his clothes on from the night before and as she pulled on leggings and a chunky sweater, she turned around to him.

"I'm not perfect. I have walls. I have issues. I have a past. Several, actually. I'm a guarded person but I'm open at the same time. I'm loud, I don't have a filter, I care too much, I'm passionate. Sometimes I'm a bitch. I sabotaged Addison Montgomery and I'm probably the reason why she left the company. I don't usually apologize for my behavior because I don't usually see a good enough reason to apologize for my actions, and I don't think that makes me a bad person, just an honest one. I've been told I love too much, or not at all. I feel too much, have you ever felt everything all at once? I'm loyal to my people, I was engaged for all of 12 hours. And I'm scared of everything I just mentioned, and most of all I'm scared of falling for you," she said all in one breath, her voice ragged.

Owen only responded by closing the gap between the pair, catching her in another passionate kiss, one she would never forget.

* * *

I **'m pretty sure this is the longest chapter I have written for any fanfic of mine and I wish this fic had a bigger audience because I love it so much and I feel like it showcases my best writing. I might post it on Wattpad to bring in more readers and possibly tumblr. But oh my gosh please review as I'm VERY proud of this chapter! Over 4500 words and almost 9 full pages!**


	9. Arabian Dance

So it had somehow been decided that Amelia and Owen were casually dating. They left the theater at night after shows often, and in the mornings her brought her coffee – that is, the mornings they didn't arrive together. They were the talk of the company but Amelia brushed it off – she knew it was time to move on from Ryan, and for Owen, two years was more than enough time to move on from Cristina. It remained that he was much older than she was but at 19, she didn't care. Neither did anyone else, and she was glad. She was starting to be taken seriously around NYCB as a soloist, considering the fact that she was nailing every piece she was given, wowing the crowd and the critics with her raw and emotional portrayals of roles that required more years of experience than she had on her belt. Owen happened to be her biggest fan, even when she was given a role that on the surface, people doubted she could handle, but they didn't know the depth of life experience that she had, they didn't know her story. Neither did Owen, and at times she wanted to open her mouth and blurt out everything starting with her childhood, since it was obvious not even Derek had, but she still held back, scared seemingly of saying too much and scaring him off. She was timid, she was one who was hard to trust. She had trusted Ryan and he had ended up dying on her. Ryan had known, Ryan had known about her childhood and he had died. It was better this way, keeping Owen at an arm's length, keeping things casual. It was better for her emotions, for her heart, for her well-being.

Except that it wasn't. Because being with Owen was ripping her apart as she found herself falling for him in late October. It was a blustery day with the rain pouring down, as she found herself hurrying across the empty pavilion of Lincoln Center alone for a change, wrapped in a chic hooded trench and rain boots, still feeling soaking wet like a drowned rat. Heading towards the studios, which were underneath the theater, she made her way through the depths of the school, peeking in on a few of the younger classes, hearing the familiar hum around the bulletin board. Crap. Nutcracker was out. She waited a few minutes for people to disperse before going at the board, nervously chewing on her lip. She saw her name as one of the party dancers; she was one of the teenagers this year, being younger still, but as she came to snow, she saw her name beside Snow Queen and her heart stopped beating. Amelia Shepherd. Snow Queen. Owen Hunt. Snow King. She let out the smallest yelp as she kept scrolling her eyes down the list, knowing she'd be in act 2 as well. She saw her name next to Arabian female, and sure enough, Owen was Arabian male, and she yelped again. Two soloist roles, and one technically demanding, both with Owen. Peter was shoving her into the spotlight, he was clearly grooming her for something. Was she his new pet? She had no idea but she didn't want to ask. Dazed, she heading to her dressing room to pile on her warmups and head into the studio.

Once in the studio she slipped into place behind Meredith at the barre, adjusting her leg warmers on her legs, cozy in a knit sweater before leaning forward.

"Have you _seen_ the freaking casting for Nutcracker!?" she whispered excitedly, and Meredith spun around, grinning.

"Yes! I'm Dew Drop this year, they threw me in the corps of Snow but I don't care because I'm Dew Drop," she smiled excitedly. Dew Drop was always coveted because it came with a Pas as well. Amelia smiled excitedly as she caught Owen's eye out of the corner of her eye, turning to him and giving him a wave with a few fingers. She was so eager to start rehearsal later that day, but first she had to endure company class, pointe, Pilates, and then rehearsal. Owen waved back and she smiled, triumphant in her win of two juicy roles that would surely get her noticed in the Times. Now it was time to lose ten pounds, again.

* * *

Rehearsals started right away and Amelia found herself on the floor of the studio, selecting the perfect pointe shoe to start rehearsals with. A Pine Forest in Winter played over the speakers of the studio as she did a few quick exercises in her shoes, warming up her feet. She had pulled her leg warmers back on to ward off the chill of the empty, unused studio, wearing a beat-up SAB hoodie over her leotard that she knew she had to take off. Sighing lightly, she shed it, immediately regretting her decision as goosebumps flared on her skin and underneath her pale purple leotard, but she'd suffer if it meant dancing with Owen for two hours.

Rehearsal began once Amelia slipped on a stiff rehearsal tutu and the couple began the steps, shouted out by Darci, she began to get a bit stressed, suddenly wanting to purge the Quest bar and bottle of juice she had had before rehearsal began. They executed the beautiful steps up into the crescendo, where Owen grabbed her by the waist and walked with her held high above his head, over ten feet above the floor before gently setting her down, catching her around the waist before she did multiple pirouettes as she dipped to the floor in a deep, 180 degree penche that he held her steady in, which she came up from and fell steadily back into his arms, looking up into his eyes. A great pas de deux was formed from an amazing trust between the couple, and Amelia had complete trust in him not to drop her. As the music transitioned into the beginning of Waltz of the Snowflakes, the Queen sent of her King and danced the opening steps that would lead her flakes onto the stage, and Owen watched, transfixed by her beauty and the way she danced – so precise and sure of herself, never faltering even with new choreography. She picked it up right away and looked flawless and beautiful dancing. He could tell that with a few more years, she would be at the top with him, a beautiful principal dancer making headlines.

Once they ran through the dance a few more times and the two of them were covered in sweat, Amelia sank to the floor, feeling dizzy. She wished she still had Adderall to keep her going, and Oxy to keep the pain at bay, but she said nothing as she didn't even pop a few Advil for the pain. Once Darci had left the studio – she wasn't the one choreographing Arabian – Owen turned to her. She was covered in sweat, her leotard sticking to her and showing off every bone.

"Amelia you're so skinny, it worries me," he said. She looked up from where she had been adjusting her pointe shoes and her eyes went cold.

"I'm perfectly fine Owen," she choked out. He had been the only person to her say anything to her about her weight, besides her mom. If he was saying something now, when she was weighing in at 92…imagine what he would say or think when she was ten pounds lighter on opening night.

"I'm just naturally small and skinny," she said, brushing the comment off as she took another drink of water and shrugged. That seemed to satisfy him but in his head alarm bells were going off. He'd never seen her eat much, but then again the other girls at City Ballet looked just like her – toned but skinny. He found her beautiful and enchanting, if not mysterious and alluring. He knew he needed to know her more, more than what she was just telling him.

Learning the steps to Arabian was more complicated. They had changed the choreography from what Amelia had remembered, so she had to learn the entire dance over again. Her body moved to the sultry music as she and Owen danced in sync, doing most of the same moves, her balances seeming to hold forever. It was like magic, and she felt the spark inside of her, pulling her towards him. She had to closer her eyes as he spun her around in a pirouette, lifting her, spinning her around his waist before setting into a middle split on the ground, her torso flat on the ground as she pulled herself up. She never wanted this dance to end, she thought, but too soon the music was over. Peter gave them a few notes that Amelia jotted down in her head before she turned to walk out, and Owen caught her hand.

"Hey, Mia, what are you doing tonight?" he asked her. Fall season had ended and they had nights off until Nutcracker started. She turned around and smiled, brushing back hair that had fallen into her face. She was dying for a good binge/purge session, and maybe a bottle of wine.

"Nothing really, I was going to lay on my couch with Netflix all night," she laughed, taking a drink of her water.

"Well maybe we could do something," shrugged, and her smiled brightened.

"Maybe we could," she teased him, before turning and walking out of the room.

* * *

Later that night Amelia was curled up on her couch with some trashy romance series when she heard her phone buzz. Picking it up she smiled, reading the text from Owen.

'So you still want to do something?' it read, and she couldn't help but something.

'Of course, I can be ready in 5, meet me outside my building' she typed back, bolting from her couch to her bedroom. She got dressed in a pair of leggings and a warm sweater – fall had taken its hold on New York City – before finding a comfy pair of boots and grabbing her coat and scarf. Rushing downstairs and out the lobby, she smiled as she spotted Owen on the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets, his coat flapping in the breeze.

"Hey," she smiled, her dark hair curling down her back. He smiled at her; he found her so beautiful; ethereal, almost. He always forgot he was her best friend's little sister, and still under 20.

"Hey, so I was thinking. You're a native New Yorker, what are some of your favorite spots in the city for someone who didn't grow up here?" Her smile grew wider, a sparkle coming to her eye.

"You definitely have no idea what you just got yourself into," she laughed, shaking her head a bit as she tucked a hand into her pocket, the other hand reaching for his as they began to walk. She lived in SoHo, one of the trendier neighborhoods in New York, but she had so many favorite places in the city it was crazy. As they started walking on the sidewalk, she gave his hand a shy squeeze. She didn't know why she acted so obnoxiously confident in the studio but outside her world of revealing leotards and pointe shoes, where he got a look at her bones and body, she felt shy and reserved in her leggings and sweaters. For a while they walked in silence, just enjoying the presence of each other but finally they reached Union Square, always a mess of people playing music, dancing, and selling things.

"Union Square is always amazing, just look around at the culture, the arts, the life around here," she gushed, her face lighting up as they took a seat on one of the sold, marble steps and just took it all in. He smiled as she leaned her head against his arm and she let him wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. They didn't linger for long, and soon they were heading for the subway, and she had to laugh, shaking her head a bit as he studied the map.

"When I first moved here it took me two whole years to figure out the subway system," he confessed, and she had to laugh at how adorable that was.

"I had the MTA figured out by the time I was five," she laughed, scrunching up her nose in the process.

"My sisters and I took it to school when we were old enough to go on our own, otherwise we were driven by our mom, sometimes by Derek," she smiled.

"What about your dad?" he asked her, and suddenly there was a strangled cry that threatened to come out, that she managed to stop at the back of her throat.

"That's a story for a soul-bearing night," she said quietly as she swiped her metro card through the turnstile, stepping onto the platform to wait for the 4 train to come. Once it did she gave a light tug on his sleeve and giggled as they stepped onto the packed train, Amelia wrapping herself around one of the poles for support so she didn't fall over.

"Where are we going?" he asked her, and she smiled knowingly.

"You'll see," she grinned, as the train sped off towards its destination. In no time flat they were spilling out of the train onto 5th Avenue, and Amelia was pulling him in the direction of Central Park with a smile.

"I come running here, for hours and hours, when my mind is so loud and I feel like I'm going insane, "she confessed, feeling crazy for a moment, but she trusted him more than anyone, besides Meredith, and she knew that he wouldn't judge her.

"Sometimes I think about my childhood. Sometimes I think about what happened with Ryan. Sometimes I think about how fucked up my life is. Sometimes I think about things that are way beyond me. Have you ever felt nothing and everything at once?" she said, her words spilling out of her mouth. After a moment, she pressed her lips together, knowing she had said too much as she stood on the wide pathway, bathed in light from a streetlamp.

He studied her in the light from the lamp, how beautiful she looked, how she looked older than 19, wise beyond her years and he took a deep breath.

"Yes, I do actually. My dad died when I was thirteen. My mom raised me and my sister on her own and I know it wasn't easy for her. I took a year and a half off City Ballet to join the army and fight in Iraq. It changes you, you know? I didn't come back the same person I was when I left. But I knew I wanted to dance again, I wanted to be able to tell the story of who I was and the people I lost, and the people I rescued. I came back to PNB for a season. But I wasn't the same, I didn't want to stay at PNB so I returned to NYCB. I formed a small contemporary company here in the city and I'm able to tell my stories through my works. I've found it helps." He offered her a small smile, a small insight into his personal life, and she smiled back, moving towards him.

"My dad died when I was five. But he didn't just…die. It wasn't that one moment he was there and the next he was gone. He owned a shop close to our house, just a convenience store but it was successful, we didn't want anything. It paid the bills, it paid for ballet. Derek and I were playing in the back like we always did. I had two pennies and I told him I was going to build a city, and he was teasing me because I thought I could buy and build a city with two pennies. Then two guys came into the shop." She paused and swallowed, closing her eyes for a minute. She felt dizzy and sick, remembering things. She always felt dizzy and sick at this part.

"They had a gun and demanded all the money in the register. I remember peeking around the corner and seeing it. My dad gave them all the money, but they wanted his watch. My mom had given it to him for their anniversary, as a symbol of how much they loved each other. He refused to give it to them, so they shot him. I tried to scream but Derek was holding his hands over my mouth, so I tried to run to my dad, and Derek laid on top of me so I couldn't move. He was trying to keep me safe," she said, tears in her eyes as she wiped them away.

"He's always trying to keep me safe, ever since I was born. But nothing could keep me safe after that," she said in a soft voice, her mind elsewhere. She felt Owen's strong arms around her as he held her tightly, tears running down her face. She had never told anyone about her dad, not even Ryan. It had always hurt too much. It still hurt so much as they stood in the chilly park and she bit down on her lip, Owen pulling away with his hands on her shoulders.

"Sometimes life works out that way – two broken people finding each other," he told her, kissing her forehead.

* * *

Nutcracker was always a hectic time, and Amelia used it to her advantage to not eat once again. From 92 pounds she fell to 85, but no one paid it any attention. Owen was used to us tiny, bony girlfriend, and all the other bony girls in the company, so it didn't phase him. On opening night, he watched her get ready for Snow by standing in her open dressing room door; he watched her meticulously do her makeup, pinning her sparkling tiara into her dark hair, and dusting glitter all over her body with Meredith, the two almost sisters laughing. The entire cast for Snow gathered together backstage, Amelia in the center in her stunning tutu for photos, before everyone posed for a few photos. Amelia spotted Owen, her Snow King, and sidled up to him, having pulled on leggings and a sweater over her costume and pointe shoes.

"Someone's looking handsome in glitter and crystals," she teased, chasing him down with a kiss. He wrapped her arms around her and smiled, kissing her back tenderly before they headed up to the stage. The battle was ending and in a moment or two the pair would be heading onstage from opposite wings, to meet each other in the center and begin their Pas. Riddled with excited, nervous energy, Amelia jumped up and down a few times, rising up and down on her pointe shoes, exhaling as she stood in the wing next to Meredith, who was dressed in her demi-soloist Snow costume.

"Merde!" she whispered to Amelia, and she smiled back, squeezing her hand.

"Merde!" she whispered as she pique arabesque'd onto the stage, taking the longest bourre of her life until she and Owen met at center stage. He took her by the waist as she did another arabesque and he slowly turned her on the spot, her arms held high and steady before she carried her leg around to the front in an attitude, still being held in a balance by Owen. They broke apart, each of them doing their own steps before Amelia sailed across the stage, landing a leap into his arms and being lifted high above his head, not a muscle quavering in her body. By the time they hit their ending post and Amelia was giving him a deep curtsy as he walked off the stage, she was all smiles as the music began to change to Waltz of the Snowflakes and she spied Meredith in the front wing, ready to take her first steps. Amelia was right underneath the fake snow and it coated her as she did a series of fouette turns before running off stage, letting her snowflakes shine for a moment or two. Owen was there with a bottle of water that she sipped from, smiling.

"You were amazing, you're always amazing," he told her, kissing her forehead, before she had to run back on stage for a few counts, feeling like she was floating in the dusting of snow falling from the rafters of the stage. A radiant smile was on her face as she danced and Owen couldn't help but smile, watching her. She was so young and he knew she had a past, he knew she had problems she was running from, but he noticed whenever she danced she was so happy and carefree.

For the rest of the dance she was on and off the stage until the finale, where she stood center stage in a regal pose, the lights reflecting off her costume and making her glow even more, her army of snowflakes kneeling around her in a beautiful pose as Clara and the Prince headed off to the land of sweets in a sleigh as she heavy velvet curtain dropped shut. Once it was closed, Owen immediately found her in the crowd and smiled, kissing her full on the lips.

"It was absolutely beautiful," he told her, and she smiled, letting him come to her dressing room with her. She had to redo her makeup and change into her Arabian costume and she knew he did too, but she was coming off a high of dancing Snow with him. It had always been her favorite scene as a child – she loved Sugar Plum but Snow was what did it for her.

"Mm I have to get ready," she smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips before shutting the door. Meredith helped her out of her tutu and tiara, and soon she was dressed in purple harem pants that split down the front showing her pink tights with a matching purple crop top, showing her toned stomach and half of her ribs, with puffy cap sleeves. On her head was a beaded tiara with a headdress that wrapped around her bun, and once she was dressed she switched her makeup to dark and sultry. After all, they only had 15 minutes to change and get ready before they were all needed at the stage. Once she was finished she headed upstairs and met Owen, who was dressed similarly in purple harem pants decorated in gold, like hers but more masculine. He caught her but her tiny waist and smiled, giving her a deep kiss and she smiled before the lights flashed backstage. It was time for the opening.

Amelia stood in the wings as she watched the seven-year-old angels dance and she smiled, remembering being one of those girls, feeling such a thrill to dance with 'the big girls'. They were adorable and as they ran off stage at the end of their dance, she told them they'd done a great job. Running on stage quickly for the opening, she and Owen settled on one side of the stage as the land of sweets welcomed Clara and the Prince, and as they pantomimed their story, Amelia subtly reached for Owen's hand. After a few minutes, they were all dismissed as Spanish danced, and Amelia developed nerves in the wings. She had danced Arabian before, but it had been a different dance then. As Spanish left the stage, their music began and she and Owen slunk on from opposite wings, Amelia sliding into a split as she reached his arms and then doing a back walkover – over his arm – onto her pointe shoes. Peter had put that into the choreography, having trained the girl himself, knowing she was flexible and strong and knowing no one else would've been able to pull it off. The rest of the dance was sultry and sexy, but still PG, with tricks appropriate for the ballet and death defying balances. At the end of the dance, as they left the stage together, Amelia in a back bend over his shoulder, they received a standing ovation while she tried hard not to crack a smile or even open her eyes to watch.

The rest of the ballet was fantastic; Amelia watched Flowers to support Meredith and it went fabulously and she couldn't wait to celebrate with her family. In no time at all it was the closing scene and Amelia was being spun around in their small part, laying on Owen's back before being tossed in the air, caught and dipped low before they took their spots to say goodbye to Clara, and the curtain was closed. They all moved off stage to get ready for bows, the children first, then the corps, then soloist and principals. Amelia and Owen were two of the last people, and they rushed on staged, bowing and curtsying deeply to the wild crowd and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

* * *

After the show, when she was dressed in a short black dress with lace for sleeves, and sky high heels that gave her four more inches, making her closer to Owen's height. They exited to one of the event rooms at the theater and almost immediately Derek dragged them both over to her family with a smile, nodding at Owen. Meredith was already there and she smiled at Amelia, who was nervous to introduce Owen to her as her boyfriend and not as Derek's friend.

"Mom, hi," she smiled, as Carolyn pulled her into her arms. She could feel her fingers feeling her ribcage and she inwardly groaned before pulling back.

"You remember Owen, right? From when Derek danced with him," she smiled, lifting her chin. Carolyn smiled and shook his hand.

"Of course, you were at our house often on the weekends, you were Derek's roommate," she smiled, as Amelia retreated to him and slid her arm around his waist, giving her a small look. Carolyn gave a nod of understanding and smiled wider.

"You two were amazing tonight, as I'm sure you will be every show. I make it a point to come to all shows, as does Derek, to support Amelia and Meredith, all three of you are so talented." Amelia blushed slightly, looking down at her toes before she felt a hand on her arm. It was Peter. Politely excusing herself from her mother, she and Owen followed Peter, where he was holding court with a group of benefactors. He introduced Amelia to them with a smile.

"He's my beautiful rising star, I trained her myself at our School of American Ballet," he said with a smile, and Amelia found herself shaking hands with men who were positively geriatric, and rolling in money that was great for the company. She had a permasmile on her lips, as Peter talked over them, speaking of her high achievements in the dance world. Throughout the whole ordeal though, she could feel Owen's hand in hers, and she kept giving it a squeeze, reassuring her that he was still there.

Eventually they were able to slip away and she burst into laughter, whirling around.

"Oh god, I've always hated these galas, ever since I was a student," she smiled, shaking her head a bit as he chased her down for a kiss. Smiling she returned it, still shaking her head.

"Imagine being the new golden boy and being presented to some old ladies. That was interesting," he chuckled.

* * *

The rest of Nutcracker went well, with Owen and Amelia dancing every night. They closed on New Year's Eve as usual with another gala, and that night Amelia changed up her look, dressing in a sparkly silver gown and heels, diamonds at her neck and ears, her hair pulled up into an elegant updo that Meredith had helped her with. The gala was being held in an elegant penthouse overlooking Times Square, and in her silver mini dress Amelia felt like the ball herself as she watched it drop, freezing on a roof top, Owen's tux jacket draped around her shoulders and dwarfing her. As the clock struck midnight she turned to Owen, locking him in a deep and passionate kiss, only stopping to come up for air. His lips moved to her ear, pressing a small kiss, accompanied by three short words.

"I love you."

* * *

 **So he finally told her he loves her! But she's still super self-destructive, but Amelia wouldn't be Amelia without a certain element of self-destruct, right? I can't stop writing this story, it just writes itself! i'm madly in love with it, I need to update my other stories too! I already know what to write for my next chapter and might write it tomorrow, in between doctors appointments haha!**

 **I was just in the hospital again and I have an endoscopy next week and I'm back on a liquid diet because gastroparesis sucks but I'm still going! Nothing can get me down guys :) I'm so happy that I'm back writing my stories for you guys and making you guys happy with my writing. If I wasn't a ballerina, I think I might've been a writer ;)**


	10. Believe

New Years Eve morning came with a rush, and Amelia found herself waking up much too early with a pounding headache. Getting up to stumble to the bathroom for some Advil, she pleasantly found that she was naked and smiled, remembering last night. They'd been dating officially since September, but they had waited months to have sex and for some reason she enjoyed her self control. Perhaps that was because that seemed to be the only control she had anymore. Every night they had gone out to dinner, and while she wasn't fat, her weight was hoovering around 100 again and it was pulling her depression down. Needless to say, though, she had a feeling that she was the only person who noticed her weight gain, as she stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of her closet door, her hands splayed across her stomach. She felt huge; she had let herself gorge on Christmas and then again last night she had had so much to eat and drink. Sighing, she turned back to bed, only to find Owen staring at her with a smile at her face.

"Amelia," he smiled, and she couldn't help but climb back into bed with him, her hair still done up in pins from the night before, her perfume lingering on her soft, snowy white skin. He drew her into a kiss as she smiled, her fingers running through his hair.

"So I was thinking, we have the whole month off. Do you want to come to Seattle with me?" Her breath caught in her throat. He was inviting her home with him. She would undoubtedly meet his mother and younger sister. Inwardly, she felt that she would be judged because she was so much younger than him; she was 20 and he was 28. And he loved her. Owen Hunt, the object of her 17 year old crush, was in love with her. It boggled her mind and she was still trying to process it as he sat there waiting for an answer, the blankets pulled up so she was covered. But then again, he had spent Christmas with her family, he had met her mother as her boyfriend and not Derek's friend, and it had gone well. Sighing lightly, she smiled and gave him a small nod, before giving him another kiss.

"I'll come to Seattle with you," she told him, her hand on the back of his neck.

* * *

A few days later she found herself at the airport, coat slung over her arm as they waited in line at security. It was 6:30 am and she was exhausted, knowing she would sleep during the flight to Seattle. Leaning on Owen she yawned as they slowly inched their way forward, holding onto her passport and her boarding pass, closing her eyes when they weren't moving. When they finally cleared security and made it to the gate, she sat by the window and looked outside. It was still dark and she smiled; she loved seeing the world go by before the sun was up, it was part of the reason why she loved her morning runs, no matter what the weather was. Yawning, she let her head fall on Owen's shoulder again and she closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep until they boarded the plane, which came sooner than she expected it to. Once they were in their seats, her eyes finally fell shut for good before the plane even took off.

Landing in Seattle 7 hours later, she was alert and awake, feeling anxious and nervous to meet Owen's mom and sister. As they stood on the escalator heading towards baggage claim, she slipped her hand into Owen's and gave it a tight squeeze; he kissed her forehead in return.

"Mia, my mom isn't going to judge you, or us. She's very patient and understanding, she's going to love you. And Megan will too, she hated Cristina, and Cristina's younger than you are as well, remember, she and Meredith are the same age." She had to give him credit there; Meredith was only 24, only four years older than she was, and she was engaged to her 29 year old brother. But still, she was only going to be 21 in July, and he was turning 29 this year, it made her nervous. She felt him lift his head, and she followed his gaze towards a woman with white hair, and a slim red haired girl who could be Owen's twin.

"Come on, Mia, come meet my mom and Megan." She swallowed hard and followed him down the rest of the escalator steps until she was standing in front of the two Hunt women, forcing a smile onto her lips.

"Mom, Megan, this is Amelia, she's a soloist at NYCB, she's my pas partner, and my girlfriend," he said, and Amelia smiled, wishing a hole would open in the floor and swallow her. To their credit though, both Evelyn and Megan smiled back, and Megan even enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Oh my gosh, it's so nice to finally meet you! Owen talks about you so much, and I've seen videos of you dancing on the NYCB YouTube channel, and I've looked up your YAGP solos, you're seriously amazing for being 20," Megan gushed, and Amelia's eyes widened. She knew Megan danced for Boston Ballet and she smiled lightly, still blushing a bit.

"Oh, don't watch any of that, I'm really not that fantastic," she said with a shake of her head, while Owen went to fetch their suitcases. Megan laughed, waving her hand.

"I've been a soloist for a few years, you totally don't have to be modest even if Owen is about his accomplishments. I mean, yours speak for themselves and they're all over the internet," she pointed out, and Amelia sort of shrank even more. She wasn't sure if she should be proud of herself or embarrassed that her entire performance history with ballet was out there for the world to see. In the next moment, Owen returned with their things and grabbed her hand.

"Let's go back to the house, I know Amelia's exhausted, and I could use a nap probably," he said, pulling Amelia close. She smiled and grabbed the handle on her suitcase, the four of them walking out to the car. Stepping outside into the damp air, it was entirely different from NYC. Wrinkling her nose, she wasn't sure if she'd ever get used to Seattle.

The car ride back to his house wasn't long, and she spent it in the backseat with Megan, the two of them discussing YAGP and their experiences with it. Both girls had loved it and had won in the top three more than once, and were discussing what variations they'd done and what they had won. Overall, she liked Megan; she was sweet and funny and full of sass.

Once they were at his house and their things were upstairs in his room, Amelia had been kidnapped by Megan, the two of them sitting in the family room and chatting about both their dance lives, but she asked her a few personal questions instead.

"So Owen told me your dad passed, too," Megan said, and Amelia stiffened, wrapping her hands around a mug of tea. It was pouring outside and she made a small noise, nodding. She hadn't gone into details with Owen but he bit her lip slightly.

"He did, I was five. I don't remember many details," she lied, taking a sip of her hot tea. She shrugged, wanting to move past the topic. For the rest of the afternoon they talked about various things, the two girls bonding as Owen popped in every so often to make sure Amelia wasn't overwhelmed.

* * *

She spent a week in Seattle with him; she adored his mother and Megan, but she knew her own mother wanted to spend time with her, and Meredith wanted her to help her plan the wedding, scheduled for June. Somehow she had managed to be her maid of honor, and upon arriving back in NYC, she was whisked away to Vera Wang to be fitted into her gown for the wedding, the dressmaker taking note of how petite Amelia was, something which brought a deep blush onto her cheeks.

January flew by, however, and when February came, Owen came back to New York, settling into Amelia's apartment. To her, it felt familiar, waking up every morning to him, drinking coffee at the kitchen counter before walking the five blocks to Lincoln Center. Somehow at only 20, she had settled into an adult relationship, and she was happy with herself for all that she had overcome, but still she knew she had so much more to get over.

The first day back to NYCB, casting lists had already gone up. Swan Lake, Le Corsaire, Coppelia and Giselle were the classical ballets, with a long list of contemporary and Balanchine to round out the list. Scanning for her name, she followed the dotted line to see what roles she had. Gasping in surprise, her eyebrows shot up. She was second cast for Odette/Odile, first cast of Medora in Le Corsaire, Swanhilda in Coppelia and Giselle in Giselle. Peter either was crazy or had a plan for her. She sucked in her breath and headed for her dressing room, ducking her head against all of the jealous glares, and slammed the door shut behind her as she got ready for class, putting on a pair of pointe shoes and piling on warmups against the bitter, February air. Meredith came in after her, her eyes wide.

"How did you get every lead role!? I'm second cast to you, except in Swan Lake, where I'm first cast," she said, standing in front of her mirror and doing her hair. She didn't sound angry as Amelia stood against the wall and stretched out her splits, her bones cracking and popping after a month of with only a few classes at Steps.

"I honestly have no idea," she said, her eyes darting around the room. Lexie was avoiding her gaze as was Jo, and she bit her lip, blushing. It was no secret that she was one of the favorites in her third year at the company and she sighed, tugging on her sweater a bit before leaving the room entirely with her water. She knew the other girls were senior to her and were bitter but she didn't care; somehow she had managed to earn the roles. Now to lose the holiday weight so she looked fantastic in those stunning, classic costumes.

Taking her place at the barre, she started to stretch, still avoiding the jealous glares as Owen came up to her, smiling.

"Mia, I'm so proud of you," he smiled, kissing her deeply. Her success affected them both and for the first time all morning, she smiled up at him, touching his cheek.

"This season is going to be spectacular," she smiled. He moved into the empty barre position behind her as Meredith stepped in before the pianist sat down, and music filled the room. They did their regular warm up, working their dormant muscles and soon the room was warm from their body heat, warm ups being shed as they were soon down to leotards and tights, a short black skirt fluttering around Amelia's thighs.

* * *

After barre, Peter wanted to get started on Swan Lake right away. Most of the company knew the choreography already, but Amelia needed to be taught all of Odette/Odile, and the roles she was doing as the first cast. Darci came in and smiled at Ameila, dressed in a purple leotard and a black skirt, her hair pulled back neatly. Owen stood against the barre, on the ready should Darci want to start on any of the Pas', but she wanted to test Amelia and see what she was made of.

"So, let me see the Black Swan Coda," Darci said, challenging them both. She knew for a fact that the pair had never danced it together, and Amelia had probably never danced it at all. But coolly, Amelia shed her skirt and pulled on a practice tutu as Owen took his place in the center as the music started, Amelia waiting for her cue. She may not have performed it, but SAB always made sure their students were well-trained in the important variations. Amelia didn't miss a beat, coming in at the right cue and as she whipped around in a triple pirouette, she smiled triumphantly as she saw the look on Darci's face. At the end of her part of the first half of the coda, she did the requisite curtsies before traveling to center stage, executing the famous 32 foeuttes, throwing in doubles and triples in there, before landing soundly in fourth, catching her breath before Owen took her hand and they finished the variation. They were that in sync, that in tune with out another, that they didn't even have to have rehearsed it before. Trying to hide the smirk on her lips, Amelia lifted her chin.

"Was that okay?" she asked in an innocent voice, Darci clearly rattled. She wrinkled her nose but nodded at them both.

"It was…almost perfect, actually," she said, knowing she was dealing with someone with an immense amount of talent for her age. Amelia smiled, tucking a lock of hair back into her bun.

"Let's run it again, and then we'll start going over some of Odette's pieces," she said, as Amelia sipped on her water, casually giving Owen a smirk. She was arrogant, she knew. She was also confident in her abilities. An arrogant, confident, young ballerina who could see her path spread out ahead of her.

* * *

They continued to rehearse the other ballets, but the season opened with Swan Lake, and shockingly Peter sent on Amelia. With her eyes wide, Meredith helped her get ready in her Odette costume as she went through the motions of doing her makeup, having her headpiece pinned on, and getting into her pointe shoes. She didn't remember making her way to the stage, or even the performance, but suddenly she was beside Owen as they took their bows, and she was all smiles. She had gotten through the ballet in one piece, to thunderous applause. Peter came out and presented her with a huge bouquet of flowers as Owen wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead, and she knew she'd remember this night for the rest of her life.

Throughout February they danced on, the main big ballets and the smaller ones that were usually three or four a night, as Amelia started to feel the burn out coming on. She pushed through, knowing it would pass, but she was just becoming so exhausted from being in leading roles most of the time, not letting the second cast go on for her.

It wasn't until mid-March though, that everything came crashing down around her. It was during a performance of Giselle, doing the famous hops, that her life ground to a halt. She had always had the hops down to a science, making them look effortless, but tonight she came down on her pointe shoe too hard, her foot wobbled, and she twisted her ankle hard as she fell off pointe. Embarrassed, she got back on pointe, but something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong with her foot. The pain was shooting up her leg, and she forced the smile to stay on her face as she continued with her variation, continuing until the end where she posed, then cut the scene short as she ran off. Alex began his part early as Amelia collapsed in the wings, tears running down her cheeks; Peter ran over to his star, clearly distressed.

"Amelia, what happened, what's wrong?" he asked her.

"My foot, something's wrong with my foot," she said, sweating profusely, the world dizzy around her as nausea flared in her stomach. She wanted to throw up from the pain that overtook her.

"Someone get Meredith in costume, she'll go on, and fetch Owen, put Mark on for him," Peter demanded as someone picked up Amelia, rushing her to the physical therapy room. The physical therapist peeled her costume off of her and used a pair of scissor to cut her pointe shoes off of her, but her foot had already swollen to three times it's size. She lay on her back on the table, her eyes glassy as she stared up at the ceiling, feeling fingers gingerly touch her ankle as she felt a scream come from deep within her.

"Someone call for an ambulance," she heard someone say, and in the next moment she felt Owen's hand slip into hers. He was out of his costume and had brought her her leggings and sweater, quickly helping to change her into them. The tears kept streaming down her face as he got behind her and held her close.

"Mia, it's going to be okay," he whispered, her gaze flickering down to her right ankle/foot, which was swollen and rapidly turning purple. This wasn't fair, this was her season. She sank back into his arms and sobbed, choking a few times as he held her, and soon enough the EMT's were there, assessing her foot and transferring her onto the gurney.

"I want Owen with me," she protested in a small, quiet voice, and he followed her out to the ambulance. The drive to Mt Sinai was short, and Amelia remembered another trip like this all too well. Once they got to the ER and she was placed in a room, she didn't remember much – they pushed dilaudid and Benadryl, along with Ativan for her anxiety, and she was out of it, falling asleep quickly as she drugs hit her small body. It wasn't until the doctors came in with her x-ray results did she wake up, eager to hear her fate.

"Miss Shepherd…I'm afraid you shattered your foot and ankle. We're going to have to operate immediately." Her face fell as she fought not to cry. Surgery. She might not dance again. She looked over at Owen who ran a hand through her hair, giving her a kiss.

"We're moving you up to a room now and surgery will be in a few hours," the doctor told her, as the nurse went to move the bed out of the room. Owen followed behind, frantically calling her mother to come to the hospital, that it was an emergency. She curled up under the blankets on the gurney before they got to a private room, helping her into the bed. She pulled the blankets up to her chin as a nurse came in to give her more pain medication, slipping in and out of consciousness.

Soon enough Carolyn arrived, bearing clean clothes and warm, fluffy blankets as she took in her almost catatonic daughter in the hospital bed, sitting next to own in the spacious hospital room.

"Amelia," she said, and Amelia heard her voice but didn't come out of her haze. She closed her eyes and rolled over, willing them to come get her for surgery. Finally, they did, and Carolyn helped her change into a gown before she was taken off. The surgery took a few hours and she woke up in the recovery room as they extubated her, coughing as the tube was pulled from her throat. Her foot was throbbing in pain as she cried out, and she felt a nurse come over and give her more medication. Soon the doctor came over and started talking to her.

"So Miss Shepherd, there was extensive damage to the bones due to severe osteopenia, but we managed to save them. I put in two metal plates and 13 screws. It's going to take some time and a lot of physical therapy but you'll get full function back." Amelia swallowed hard, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm a ballerina with the New York City Ballet," she started, her eyes falling. He shook his head lightly.

"With proper rest and rehabilitation you should be able to dance again by fall, I've operated on many of you," he smiled, but she only sighed, closing her eyes and letting the drugs lull her back to sleep.

She stayed in the hospital for a few days, on heavy painkillers and antibiotics, Owen never leaving her side. For the first few days they left her alone, letting her sleep and recover, but after three days they forced her to get up and start walking with crutches. Her foot was in severe pain, but she was lucky enough to have avoided a full on cast – her foot was wrapped in gauze and bandages, an ace bandage, and placed in a boot.

Eventually as she healed, she and Owen had contests down the hall of the ortho ward, as to who could move faster on crutches. Finally she was laughing again as she beat him every time, only to end up kissing him. He had been given all of March off to help take care of her, but he was going back in April.

* * *

There were only two weeks left in March by the time Amelia came home, and when it turned into April she was left on her own in the apartment. Between the pain and the painkillers, she was never hungry, and so she began to shrink. Already at 85 pounds, it started in a subtle way. Her face grew more angular, with her jawline becoming more defined and her cheekbones protruding even more than they had before. Her legs became thinner, looking like they could snap at any moment. But for Owen, it was difficult for him to see the changes in her, because he saw her every day. After a few days, she was already down four pounds, and in the back of her mind she knew she should be forcing herself to eat – she was trying to keep up her strength for ballet, but her spirits were so low. Some days she went to class and observed, watching rehearsals, but most days it was too painful for her to watch some dumb soloist girl who was far less talented than she was fumble through her roles. Half the time she ended up stumbling out of the studio and walking on her crutches back to the apartment.

It was during April that she just let it go. For 20 days straight she had nothing but water and she became more gaunt, more withdrawn, more quiet. She hid her body under Owen's shirts and her heavy sweatshirts; it was getting warmer outside but she was always freezing cold, and she couldn't come up with an excuse to keep the heat on in the apartment during the spring. Miserable in her anorexia, she slept constantly during the day, only waking up when Owen came home from the theater and she made dinner for him, lying that she'd already eaten, having dirtied a few plates and pans up in the sink.

Seeing the surgeon again, she was given the all-clear to start back at dance on flat, if she continued with her physical therapy. She was torn between going back to class, and staying at home in her apartment – standing in front of the mirror naked after a shower, she examined her body, seeing and feeling every bone in her body. It scared her, how far she had let her body go; she had stopped weighing herself once she had fallen below 70. At that moment she heard the apartment door slam and she grabbed for her clothes but it was too late. Owen walked into the bedroom and saw her for what she was, and she knew she'd never be able to forget the look on his face as he took in her naked body – the skin stretched over bone, her shrunken breasts, her thinning hair. He bit his lip and moved forward, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"Amelia, why didn't you tell me something was wrong?" he said, placing his hands on her shoulders. She bit down on her lip, feeling lethargic as she looked up at him.

"I've struggled with my eating for years," she finally confessed, thinking back to when she was 12 and that first time she had shoved her fingers down her throat after lunch at SAB. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as he grabbed one of the throw blankets and wrapped it around her, sitting her down on the bed with a small sigh. He knew most of the girls in the company struggled with eating, but Amelia was severe. She was shrinking away before him, and he loved her too much to let her die.

"I just..I don't know. I've been so unhappy because I can't dance that I stopped eating," she confessed, hanging her head.

"My weight has been up and down since I was young, but the whole time I've been in the company it's been bad. Under 100. I just…I didn't want to take the time off to get help," she said, her bare feet brushing on the wooden floor. He sighed heavily, moving over to her and kissing her forehead.

"We can tell Peter your foot needs more time, and you can get help. But you need to tell your mom, Mia, she needs to know you're sick." Sick. The word resonated through her like she had been stung. She swallowed and looked up at him, her eyes sunken and hollow. She had never thought of it that way, an illness. From her perspective it was the mirror, the mirror chanting to her that she wasn't good enough, that she wasn't thin enough, that she wasn't pretty enough. Suddenly the tears started running down her face, and Owen rushed to hold her again.

"Oh Mia, I'm here for you, I'm not leaving you ever, okay? I love you so much and this is something you can do, you can recover from this, or you can try. I know an eating disorder isn't the easiest thing to heal from, but you have to try. Please? I don't want you to die," he said, nuzzling his face close to hers. She moved her arms around his neck and sighed, still crying.

"I'll do what I can," she promised him.

* * *

The next few days were a blur. In the morning she invited her mother over, who was shocked by her youngest child's appearance. She sat down on the couch and wept, as Amelia sat there and stared into space, having no feelings at all. Within days she had an assessment at New York Presbyterians Center for Eating Disorders in Westchester County, and from her assessment she was admitted right to the ward, inpatient, at a weight of 65 pounds. They immediately shoved an NG tube down her nose when she was placed in the inpatient unit, and she didn't try and struggle as she pulled her sweatshirt closer to her freezing body.

At first, she was reluctant to join in any group activities. She stayed in her room journaling, or playing games on her phone. Owen came every day, having taken the rest of the season off just for her. It saddened him to see his bright and shiny princess so depressed and ruined; there was no spark to her, even when she spoke to him. She wasn't eating on her own, but rather letting the tube feed her, and because of that she was gaining weight slowly. In a month's time she had only gained up to 70 pounds, and the doctors told her she had to start eating meals with the rest of the unit.

Breakfast came and she found herself sitting at a table with a small bowl of cereal in front of her, with a carton of apple juice and tears came to her eyes. She really didn't want to do this, but she knew if she didn't they'd just give her more into her tube. Pressing her lips together, she let the tears fall as she put a single Cheerio on her spoon, moving it into her mouth. She was so unused to chewing that it felt foreign at first, but she did it, one piece after another, until she had finished the bowl of cereal. Immediately her stomach rebelled; she was in severe pain and excused herself from the table, running down the hall to her room to lay down, curled up in a ball. Her stomach just wasn't used to food anyone. Pressing the pillow to her eyes, she sobbed until a nurse came in with medication to help her stomach, and soon enough it had helped her and she was able to relax.

Her time inpatient was spent mostly by herself, but after three weeks she started to unwind. She was a public figure and didn't want any of her information getting out into the world, but both Owen and her mother encouraged her to take part in groups. By the second week of May, between eating and her NG tube, she had gained enough weight to be removed from the tube, and she celebrated by having a dessert of chocolate ice cream, something she hadn't allowed herself to have in almost seven years. She took photos of all of her recovery wins, sending them to Owen when she could, always happy to receive an excited selfie in return, and a warm hug during visiting hours. She was prohibited from dancing, but the program had yoga, pilates, and they even allowed her to keep up with her barre work, as long as it didn't become too extensive. Somedays she was allowed to do cardio, and she smiled as her legs regained their balletic beauty, small muscles starting to form where there was once just nothing but taut skin.

By the end of May, she was nearing her goal weight to spring free from the treatment center and enter IOP – intensive outpatient. She would be living back at her apartment, with supervised meals made by Owen to make sure she met her calories and exchanges, and going to a day program at NYU. She was allowed to dance once again, and she started with classes at Steps as well as more physical therapy, wanting to make sure her foot would be okay. She had nothing to worry about, though – the foot she had all but shattered was in perfect working order, and was stronger than her left foot, somehow. She was eager to join the company in Saratoga Springs, but she knew she wasn't allowed to yet, and so she took class after class at Steps, making sure to snack inbetween her classes.

The best part of all, however, was that she was able to join her family in the Hamptons for Meredith and Derek's wedding at the end of June. She was maid of honor, and Owen was best man, and as she and Meredith got ready in her spacious bedroom, she couldn't help but feel blessed. Blessed that her broken foot had led to her rock bottom, which led to her subsequent treatment and recovery. She still weighed under 100 pounds, but her treatment team had decided to let it slide – she was a professional ballerina and her weight would always be up and down from dancing so much, but as she stood behind Meredith, buttoning up the back of her wedding gown, she smiled into the mirror. She felt and looked healthier than she had in years, and she squeezed Meredith's arm lightly.

"I'm so glad you're marrying my brother," she said softly, her blue eyes shining bright. She wore a sea green tea length strapless dress, her bouquet of white roses sitting on the bed. Meredith looked gorgeous in a frothy Vera Wang number, her blonde hair pulled back into curls as Amelia pinned her veil onto her head, straightening it down her back.

"Addison never quite fit into the family. Too showy, too demanding, too much. But you're perfect. You love Derek for him, and not his money. You make him happy with just your presence, when you walk into the room he lights up. Derek and I….we're protective of each other. I know he's told you about our father," she said, trying to keep the mood light. Meredith nodded, applying the lipstick Amelia handed her out of her makeup bag.

"We always had a bond because of that, more than that of our sisters. He's older, but he likes to protect me from things, and I think when he realized why I was so destructive, he shut down. He couldn't handle it. Because I'm the baby and I used to be small and quiet, but now I'm loud and an adult. But he's starting to realize that it's not his fault, that nothing in the world could have protected me from what happened." She smiled, turning Meredith around and fixing her eyeshadow a bit.

"Come on, let's get you married," she said with a smile, picking up their flowers. The other sisters were elsewhere in the expansive beach house as they left the room, knowing the men were in the poolhouse. Amelia shot a text to their mother saying they were ready, and everyone moved into place. The wedding was on the beach, just before the surf came in, everything set up with an arch, seats, and an aisle. Nancy went down first, followed by Kate and Lizzie, then Amelia. She smiled at Owen, her eyes full of white once again, her heels clacking on the wooden aisle as she stood beside Meredith, holding her flowers. The ceremony went by quickly, and soon Meredith and Derek were Dr. and Mrs. Shepherd, and Amelia's eyes were steadily on Owen's. They'd been together two years now, and she knew she was going to marry him someday.

It wasn't long before the sun was setting and cocktail hour was over, and the dancing began. Amelia was all smiles and laughter as she danced with Owen, stopping to eat her dinner before dancing again. Laughing close to her ear he pointed out the pool house with a smirk.

"So is that where you used to jump off of?" he asked her, and she burst into peals of laughter.

"Perhaps," she teased him, kissing him on the lips before they went back to dancing the night away. It had been a hell of a spring season, but Amelia knew she'd just gotten through some of the hardest things she'd ever had to face. Her next stop was vigorously retraining her body for fall season, and making sure she stayed at the n

* * *

 **Whew, that was the longest chapter ever! It took me about four days to write! But now I've updated this and I can get to all my Merder fics!**

 **For the people who have commented that they want me to update my MerDer fics more, I have this to say; it is very difficult to update stories that you don't have inspiration for very often, and you grasp at straws to come up with ideas for. The reason I update this one so often is because I find inspiration everywhere, especially being a dancer with self-destructive habits. I also relate to Amelia a lot as well. That does not mean I don't love my MerDer stories, I just feel some of them have gone on very long and they're starting to lose their spark for inspiration. So I apologize that you're upset but a writer needs inspiration and muse in order write. That doesn't mean I'm ending them or aren't going to update them, but that may mean more time between updates and more updating of this story because I have so many ideas for this one and less ideas for others as I've done a lot of ideas for my others.**


	11. Habanera

Somehow, Amelia was deemed okay enough to join the company in Saratoga Springs that summer. Her mind and body were still healing, but her doctors and her mother gave her the okay. She and Owen took the train up there, and instead of rooming with Meredith like she always did, the couple managed to claim a room together. Mostly it was to keep an eye on Amelia and her eating, but it was also to spend even more time together.

Fortunately they knew all of the choreography that they were performing this summer, and Amelia was more than happy to be back dancing. Peter had been informed as to what had happened and gone on, but he chose to support Amelia for what she had overcome rather than punish her. She was given lead and solo roles in the two week long ballet programs they put on, and she couldn't have been happier.

July 14th she turned 21, and the company went wild with throwing her a party. They rented out space in one of the glamorous hotels in Saratoga Springs, and she dressed herself up in short and sexy pale blue lace dress with silver heels, her hair up in a high pony tail that curled it's way down her back. Red lipstick heightened up her pale skin, and silvery blue eyeshadow accented her sharp blue eyes. She walked out of the bathroom and Owen's jaw dropped at his gorgeous girlfriend and she smiled brightly. She didn't remember a time when she had felt this great about herself or her body.

"Come on," he smiled, kissing her deep red lips. His arm slid around her waist as he guided her out of the room and outside, to where their rented car was. Driving to the hotel, Amelia was helped out by one of the doorman with a smile.

"Amelia Shepherd, I believe there's a party being held for me," she smiled, and the man nodded as Owen joined her, grabbing her hand and handing the valet his keys.

"Right this way, miss," he told them, and they were led to the ballroom. Her eyes widened as she stepped inside; everything was bright lights, silver and white, with her name everywhere. There were tables centered around a DJ and dance floor, with music blasting, and she could see people she knew milling around, holding a drink. A passing waiter stopped at her and Owen and offered them a pink drink in a martini glass and she took one, sipping it slowly, tasting the alcohol and other flavors.

"So Meredith went nuts and threw me a birthday party," she laughed, heading into the heart of the room. More and more people saw that she arrived and flocked to her, chatting with her and giving her hugs as she smiled wide, her hand glued to Owens. She saw her mother at a far off table, along with her older sisters and Derek, but Meredith was hanging out with some of the other girls, laughing and drinking and talking about things, probably about the company and the upcoming fall season, or about her upcoming honeymoon.

Amelia took it upon herself to down her current drink before grabbing another one. She was finally legal and she wanted to take advantage of it, as she tugged on Owens hand, making sure she was in the center of the dance floor. One of her favorite songs was blasting and she smiled, throwing her head back as she laughed, feeling free for the first time in years. She was free of pills, free of mind and mood altering substances besides alcohol, and best of all her severe anorexia was in recovery. Her foot felt great even in her sky high stilettos, and her fellow company members crowded around her as she screamed out the words to the song, moving her body to the music. Meredith had outdone herself with the party and she knew she had to thank her later, but for now she just wanted to dance like tomorrow morning would never come. Twirling around with Owen, her laughter floated above the music as the rest of her family watched the daughter and sister who had always had a troubled life – for once she was just a normal girl on her 21st birthday.

* * *

The morning after the party, Amelia woke up with a killer hangover but she didn't care. She was in a suite in the Pavilion Grand Hotel, and her privileged little head didn't feel like lifting itself off the pillow. Yawning, she reached for the bottle of water and the small bottle of Advil she had placed there the night before. Rolling over, she tried to go back to sleep, but the way the sun was falling over the bed and into her eyes was driving her crazy. Grunting out of frustration, she threw a pillow across the room at the window, waking up Owen.

"Mmm Mia, what's wrong?" he asked her sleepily, wrapping an arm around her waist. She smiled and rolled towards him, kissing him softly.

"Nothing, I'm sorry for waking you," she said quietly, laying her head back down on the pillows. He brushed her hair back, still curled and tied back and smiled at her.

"You're beautiful, even with smudged mascara and messy hair," he teased her, and she had to laugh at that, shaking her head.

"Oh god, I probably look like such a mess," she said, sitting up and holding the sheet to her body. Yawning, she smiled, gazing at the trail of clothes and then back to him.

"Mmm how about another round?" she grinned, climbing on top of him. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close, and suddenly the rest of the morning was gone.

* * *

September came fast, and with it Amelia strode confidently through the doors of SAB. After her success of a summer, and her foot healing fast from physical therapy, she felt great. Casting lists wouldn't be up for another week or two but she didn't care. Getting ready for class, she put a single leg warmer on the foot she had broken to ensure it warmed up properly, flexing and pointing it in a new pair of pointe shoes. Standing at the barre in front of Owen, she laughed as he tugged on her leotard strap and she smiled, turning around and giving him a kiss on his lips. Meredith slipped into the room, tan from her honeymoon with her hair tied up in a braided bun, a smile on her face as she stood in front of Amelia and the two women smiled at each other. Peter entered the room and everyone stood at attention, starting their plies and tendus. It seemed like an endless warmup, and afterwards they rehearsed ballets that were in the repertoire but they already knew, dancing roles they had danced before. Amelia was amazed that her damaged foot was insanely strong now; she had fun testing it by doing the hops that had shattered the foot in the first place. Alone in the studio with the music from Giselle playing, she smiled at herself in the mirror as she gently held the edges of her tutu. She was back and it was going to be greater than ever. She was whole, she was healed, she had a job she loved, and she got to share each moment with Owen. Starting on her Italian fouettes, she smiled, oblivious to Owen watching her in the doorway.

* * *

The next week, casting went up, and Amelia aggressively shoved her way to the front, using her bony elbows as weapons. Her eyes lit up with delight – apparently Shakespeare was the theme of Fall Season. Romeo and Juliet, The Taming of the Shrew, Othello, The Winters Tale, Midsummers Night Dream…she was salivating. She was first cast Juliet, Emilia in Othello – she giggled at that, Katherine in Taming of the Shew, Helena this time in Midsummers, and Perdita in The Winters Tale. All lead roles. All big roles. She took a moment for it to sink in, taking deep calming breaths before she stepped into the studio, silently putting on her pointe shoes. She felt Owen's presence behind her and she smiled, spinning around as she pulled on a short ballet skirt.

"Did you see casting? We practically got everything," she whispered excitedly. She had every reason to be excited, she was a second year soloist and she had scored top roles. Wiggling her toes in her pointe shoes, he killed her nose and she smiled. They were set up to have a great season already. Meredith plopped down on her other side and she smiled as well.

"Oh my gosh, we all have such great roles, Peter totally favors you Amelia, he adores you." She blushed, shaking her head a bit. How could he favor her when she was bringing nothing but tragedy everywhere in the company? She sighed and stood up, melting into the familiarity plies brought her. The first step she had ever been taught at the barre.

* * *

Rehearsal was a madhouse. They started with Romeo and Juliet, and they started from the beginning. Amelia sat under the barre and watched the corps and some of the major parts dance the opening scene as she munched on pretzels, sewing a new pair of pointe shoes. Juliet wasn't introduced yet, not until after the main scene. When it was her entrance, it was just her and her nursemaid, played by one of the older corps girls. Her steps were light and flighty as she danced them, feeling as she was dancing on air. Lord and Lady Capulet were played by senior principals in small roles, and Amelia had fun pantomiming with her stage parents.

In a couple of days, they had the entire ballet blocked with everyone learning their roles, and finally it was time for Amelia and Owen to rehearse the famous balcony scene for the company. Normally she wasn't ever nervous but this time she was wiping her sweaty palms on her tights. This was her first big role since her fall from grace and she wasn't taking it lightly. As they danced the romantic pas de deux, she felt all eyes on the two of them. Her lips parted into a smile as he lifted her over his head and she felt like she was flying. Closing her eyes, she never wanted the feeling to end.

Rehearsal for the other ballets went well, but Romeo and Juliet was her favorite. Even after everything that had happened in her few years in the company, Amelia was able to bring a carefree youthfulness to the role, her steps light and flirty as she danced the role of the young girl happily with Owen.

* * *

After opening night of Romeo and Juliet, they stayed up late, despite having class early the next morning, waiting for reviews to come out. Owen remembered the feeling quite well, of waiting to hear about his first big review. Of course Amelia had danced big roles before, but this one had meant the most to her.

Around one am, the first one popped up in the NY Times and she shrieked as she read it, her eyes lighting up with a smile on her face.

"Amelia Shepherd, age 21, is a shining light at New York City Ballet. Her determination and ferocity shows in her dancing as she flies across the stage every night, not just as Juliet, but as any character she is given. She embodies the very soul she is dancing in a way not seen since the days of Anna Pavlova and Margot Fonteyn and lights up the stage every night with her presense. Miss Shepherd is absolutely one ballerina to keep our eyes on as she rises to stardom," she read outloud, looking over at Owen with a happy smile on her face as she put down her phone, folding her hands in her lap. Her eyes were shining brightly as he pulled her into his arms and gave her a kiss on he forehead.

"See? You had nothing to worry about Mia," he told her as she curled up beside him. She smiled, her hand sliding into his as she slowly fell asleep.

* * *

They continued through fall season, and fall melted into Nutcracker season. Performing every year was so annoying, once she was on stage she loved doing the dances. She had no idea what she was going to be cast as, and her nerves go the better of her. Part of her wanted to be Arabian again, and to do the beautiful pas they had done the year before, but she also didn't really know what she wanted.

Coming in one chilly October day, she made a face at the people around the board. Waiting her turn, she stepped up to the list and sighed. Party teenager, snowflake…Dew Drop Fairy. Her eyes went wide and she turned around, headed for her dressing room to get ready for class like she normally would, not saying a word about her roles to anyone, but she couldn't help the smile from spreading across her face. Her star kept rising and she didn't want it to stop.

* * *

 **I'm so sorry I took forever in writing this chapter! I was in the hospital AGAIN, for 12 days, and before then I was sick and having issues with my PICC line; they finally took it out and gave me a port in my chest and I'm doing much better which means I can get back to writing all my stories again! Yay! Hope you like the chapter, look out for new chapters for all my stories this week!**


	12. Authors Note

AN: Hey guys! Emilia here. I really would love to get back into writing as I miss it! My health is finally doing better and I miss these stories and these storylines like crazy! Do you want me to continue these existing stories or start fresh with new ones? I'm tempted to write Dreams on Fire again, since I'm not happy with the existing version and feel I could do so much better!

Please throw some ideas out there for me! In the meantime, I'm going to try and start updating some things for you amazing people 3


	13. Chocolate

Dew Drop was a demanding role. She was on the stage almost the entire time, like all of her other roles, but this dance was so different, it was almost seven minutes long. Seven minutes of jumps, pirouettes, lifts – you name it, it was demanded of her. But the light at the end of the tunnel for her was a promotion. If she could garner a principal contract, she would be the happiest person on this earth.

Meredith was Sugar Plum this year; her first year in the role. Undeniably she had earned it; at 26 years old she had been a principal dancer for several years now, working her way up just as Amelia had been since she was 17. The two females were inseparable and best friends, which Amelia loved because she was the only sister she could count on – her three biological sisters never gave her the time of day, despite her true success. If she wasn't a doctor, she wasn't important enough or worth their time, which drove Amelia crazy. To her, she was just as important, doing what she loved – and successfully at that – in a world where it was almost impossible to succeed. Derek understood it though, being friends with Mark and Owen still, and watching his wife and youngest sister pour everything they had into their profession. She had always had Derek on her side though and she knew she would always have it that way.

In the studio she was always rehearsing, always trying to better herself, and it always shocked her when going to the extra mile paid off. Goofing off on downtime was always a thing everyone enjoyed, when they brought out their phones for videoing themselves doing pirouettes, jumps, and other crazy things for Instagram to be put either on their personal pages or the main company's page. It was fun, and she lived for these moments, breaking out of her tough professional demeanor to laugh with everyone.

* * *

By the time mid-October had rolled in, with smells of pumpkin spice lattes and falling leaves, Amelia was happily living with Owen in her apartment, although secretly they were looking for a bigger one to move to. Her heart thudded every time she thought about it; she knew that after getting an apartment together the next step would be marriage – the last time she was going to get married, he had died, and she couldn't help but have flashbacks to that moment in her life, of waking up in bed next to a dead Ryan. Shaking those feelings off, she headed into the studio that morning, with Peter calling her into his office. She couldn't deny that she was nervous as she headed into his office.

"I want you to be Meredith's understudy. Just in case. I think we both know you're at that level," he told her, and she nodded slowly, with wide eyes. She was being asked to understudy Sugar Plum, the biggest principal role in the ballet. She gave him a quick smile and a nod.

"Thank you so much, I won't let you down," she told him, before rushing out of the room with excitement pulsating through her body. She knew she was nearing another promotion; she would be 22 next summer and hopefully a principal ballerina at that time. Stepping into the studio, she quickly put on her pointe shoes and started shadowing Meredith, nervous that her sister in law would question her presence but she didn't at all, as Amelia nailed the steps. The pas de deux was next and she had to partner with Mark, which freaked her out a little bit since she'd known him since she was born, basically, but he was gentle and understanding with her – it wasn't as nice as dancing with Owen, though. After rehearsal for Sugar Plum she had Snow rehearsal, and resigning to being in the corps again, she picked up her pom poms and danced her heart out.

* * *

Autumn passed by quickly, in a haze of rain and wind, and soon it was cooling off even more into November and December. Nutcracker opened soon and Amelia was nervous; she didn't want to have to go on for Meredith, but she would if she had to. Standing in the wings in her Snow costume, she felt Owens familiar touch at her waist and she smiled. By now she was in recovery from her eating disorder, although her doctors had told her that her weight would always be low. In her own messed up brain, she was secretly happy about that, especially with her career ahead of her.

"Merde," he told her, kissing her gently on the lips, so not to mess up her lipstick. She smiled back sweetly, already sweaty and covered in glitter.

"Merde, my love," she told him, before executing her familiar saut de chat, soutenu, and flick of her arms, dancing like her life depended on it.

* * *

Shows went on for weeks, right up until Christmas Eve – Christmas Day was their only break, then they closed New Years Eve. Christmas Eve after the show was spent at Amelia's family's townhouse on the Upper West Side, even though Amelia was exhausted and wanted to climb into her bed and sleep for hours. It was snowing like crazy outside so church like usual wasn't an option; instead Amelia was cuddled in Owens arms by the fireplace, listening to her sisters tell stories about their kids, who she hadn't seen since last Christmas due to company restraints. She loved that Owen was with her this year, and she smiled drowsily from her spot in his lap, watching her nieces and nephews as they drifted off to sleep as well.

It was nearing 2 AM when she felt Owen stand up with her in his arms, carrying her upstairs to her bed. She immediately curled up to him under the warm covers, feeling his arms around her as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

Morning came too quickly, with the little kids running up and down the stairs to wake everyone up, and Amelia groaned. Owen couldn't help but laugh as he gave her a kiss, handing her a blanket to wrap herself up in.

"Merry Christmas, Mia, come on," he smiled, and she reluctantly followed him downstairs to the living room, which had been transformed with presents everywhere. Her face lit up like It had when she as a child, and she took a seat near the tree, pulling Owen down with her. For a few hours they exchanged presents from 'Santa', before the childless adults went back to bed.

Once she was up for good, Amelia got ready for the day in a pretty red dress; satin with cap-sleeves, hugging her slim frame. Rushing to do her hair and makeup, she crossed paths with Owen in the hallway as he caught her in a kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Mia," he told her, and she gave a huge smile.

"Merry Christmas, O," she told him, pecking him on the lips before they went downstairs to join the rest of the family.

The rest of the day went off without a hitch, with everyone crowding around the tree again to exchange family presents. Amelia surprised all of the females with spa gift certificates, with Meredith joking that she definitely needed it after winter season at NYCB. Amelia couldn't help but laugh, agreeing with her.

The best gift, however, was when Owen stood up, sliding his hand smoothly into his pocket as he stood over Amelia.

"Amelia, the moment I met you I was completely entranced by you. You were young, beautiful, and new to the company, with such raw and amazing talent that everyone saw, but I saw something else. I saw the person beneath it all, the person that everyone was intimidated by and afraid to get to know, and that night we danced Arabian together, when you were filling in for someone, I knew I had to get to know you. I didn't get that chance for another year, but I'm so glad that I did because I found in you a beautiful person with immense talent, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I intend to." He opened up a small black velvet ring box, revealing a large, sparkling diamond ring. Amelia's eyes shone with tears as he knelt down, kissing her lips.

"Will you marry me, Amelia Shepherd?" She didn't hesitate at all before answering.

"Oh yes!" she let out, jumping up and throwing her arms around him, the rest of her family clapping. The smile on her face was permanent as he reached for her hand, sliding the ring on.

* * *

 **So I sped this chapter up a bit but I really wanted to get to this! Now onward to more updates for other stories, and a new story or two! Unfortunately, I am not doing a sequel to Dreams on Fire, just a rewrite!**


	14. The Arena

Planning a wedding was insanity, Amelia decided. Finding the time to plan it around company life was even more insane, and she had no idea how Meredih had managed to do it. On her downtime at rehearsals she sat on the floor beneath the barres with her ipad, doing various things, mostly looking at things on Pinterest for inspiration. She wanted a beautiful wedding but her thoughts were all over the place as to what she wanted. She did know what she wanted with her gown, however – she wanted something unique and differing from the norm. Something striking and completely different had been on her mind – a black wedding gown. She knew how different it was but it was trendy at the same time, and she had come across gorgeous ones, plus to her, it fit her tumultuous life and personality. She just had to find the fine to go wedding gown shopping with Meredith and her sisters, which was difficult to do, but eventually one day she was able to schedule a bridal appointment at Vera Wang for the five of them.

Breezing through the doors, Amelia sighed quietly as she looked at the sea of white before her, other colors dispersed between them all. Attendents offered them champagne and other beverages, which Amelia took advantage of, sipping on a flute of champagne as she gazed at wedding gowns, her sisters helping her.

"What did you have in mind?" Lizzie asked her, fingering a silk taffeta skirt. Amelia bit her lip; she hadn't told anyone what she had wanted.

"I want something frothy. Lots of tulle. Maybe a gorgeous train. And…I want to be unconventional. I want it to be black. And you can protest all you want, but I think it'll be absolutely stunning, considering the venues I've thought up," she said, looking at the raised eyebrows of her sisters. Meredith, however, only smiled, knowing this was the Amelia she knew and loved.

Amelia had picked a pretty rose colored dress for her bridesmaids, and the staff at Vera Wang was picking out dresses that fit what she wanted for her girls. For herself, though, they were working behind the scenes to pick what fit for Amelia, and she was excited to see what they had for her. Anxiously sitting on one of the many couches in the shop, she sipped her champagne, getting ready to see her top picks for her wedding gown, despite the vision in her head.

Once dresses had been picked for everyone, they had fun trying everything on. Despite dressing in tutu's all the time, Amelia loved the feel of being in a wedding gown, and was mesmerized by her appearance in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors, gazing at her tiny body in the gorgeous gowns. Meredith and her sisters loved everything too, and soon they had picked a bridesmaid dress, but Amelia was torn between a gorgeous cream-colored gown, and a frothy black halter down, with cream being the feature at the front of the skirt.

"I really can't decide, cream or white is so traditional, but black is killer and new, I was picturing the wedding at a trendy loft in SoHo, definitely not what my mother wants for me, but it could be so cool," she said, biting on her lip. She loved them both, then had an idea.

"What if I wear the cream one for the ceremony and satisfy my mother for the church wedding, then wear the black one for the reception?" she asked. Lizzie laughed a bit.

"You just want to wear two wedding gowns, Amy," she teased her youngest sister. Amelia rolled her eyes.

"First, it's Amelia. And second off, it's a great idea because that way I get to have both of my dream gowns," she said, staring back at herself in the mirror in the black gown. She called the attendant over and smiled.

"Hi, I'm actually going to take both gowns," she smiled, passing over her credit card as she stripped down to her underwear and corset, another woman taking her measurements and marking them down for her order. She knew they'd just gotten a huge commission for their wedding party, and Amelia was pleased with her idea for the wedding gowns.

* * *

Once they left Vera Wang, they headed for lunch at one of their favorite restaurants, Cipriani, ordering anything and everything they wanted to eat and having fun. Amelia sat back with a mimosa and her meal, easily chatting with her family about the wedding, even though it was months in advance.

"So what does the company think of you two marrying?" Kate asked, and Amelia blushed.

"They think it's good publicity," she admitted, even though she hated acknowledging that. She didn't want their wedding to be public, though she knew it would be. Two of the company's biggest stars having such a high profile wedding would be great for the company itself, especially concerning whatever ballets they were doing at the time. Sighing, she tipped her mimosa back, ordering another one as she listened to her three sisters chattering, looking to Meredith for guidance.

* * *

 **I'm sorry for another dry spell! I was really sick again and in the hospital and had no muse for writing But I'm truly trying to get chapters out, It's just really difficult when you're tired all the time and always in pain. I can't promise consistent updates but I can tell you that things will be updated….eventually. So please stick with me!**


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